Who needs facts when you have John Kruk

Joe tries to write about another team
Open Thread: Old Stadium demolition photos

Surely you caught this latest piece of crap from ESPN’s John Kruk this morning, in which he discusses the weaknesses of each postseason team. Except the Red Sox of course, because they don’t have any. Except their middle relief. Wait, but I thought they didn’t have any? Anyway, I planned on doing a little vintage FJM work on this earlier today, but Brian Burkhart at Bronx Baseball Daily already beat me too it. Make sure you check it out, Kruk deserves it.

Joe tries to write about another team
Open Thread: Old Stadium demolition photos
  • yankeegirl49

    I read this crap this morn and all it did was prove what I already knew..John Kruk is a total moron.

  • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

    I think Burkhart went too easy on Kruk. Kruk’s article was one of the dumbest things I’ve read in a long time, and it deserved a true excoriation.

    That part in the middle about the 1993 Phillies playing a midseason series against the Cardinals? Shockingly irrelevant. Couldn’t have made less sense. Added nothing; in fact, it contradicted and muddied the points he was making.

    He writes like a guy who has to take frequent “I’m gonna go eat a ham sandwich” breaks and then can’t remember what he was talking about before. Insulting.

    • Joey

      What I was thinking too. That could have been ripped apart much more thoroughly (and violently, sarcastically, etc…) but the “FJM” response was damn tame. Kinda disappointing really

      • http://bronxbaseballdaily.baby-bombers.com/ Brian

        As the person who wrote the post, I apologize for not being more thorough in my Kruk-bashing. But in my defense, I can only spend so much of my morning making fun of a barely literate former player being passed off as a writer.

    • http://z.about.com/d/tvcomedies/1/0/F/-/-/-/judge310_72.jpg The Honorable Congressman Mondesi

      Tommie – Give that article a proper fisking. I smell an RAB guest post.

      • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside


        • http://z.about.com/d/tvcomedies/1/0/F/-/-/-/judge310_72.jpg The Honorable Congressman Mondesi

          It was “fisking” before it was “FJMing.”


          • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

            Ah, copy.

            I thought you wanted me to give it a good “fisting” and just made a typo.

        • http://www.riveraveblues.com Joseph Pawlikowski

          Fisking, form of to fisk, verb, to hit a home run that looks like it won a World Series, but in fact did not.

  • Anth

    It’s pretty amazing that ESPN would publish that article, that was just flat out dumb.

    You have managed to make yourself look even more moronic, Kruk. Congrats

  • http://martelli.mlblogs.com/melky%20c.jpg Drew

    Why do you even listen to what he says!!!!11


    Seriously though, Kruk is an ass. He just falls right in line with the rest (majority) of crazies over at ESPN.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siYKRL4I3UA JobaWockeeZ

    I thought it was a video so I didn’t click on it because I was at a school laptop and when I saw the description on how one team is most ready for playoffs I effing knew he had to be talking abut the Red Sox.

    That was the second worst article I had ever read about baseball this year.

    But nothing can top Sucka got no juice.

    All batshit insane.

  • Andy In Sunny Daytona

    Pettitte had a stretch of ten days between starts. That is 5 extra days rest, therefor, he missed 5 starts. It’s simple math.


  • Joey

    Starks ranking the best to worst postseason rotation piece is pretty brutal too… nothing unexpected

    • PinstripesForeverDougie

      yeah, I thought Jayson’s article was far worse than Kruck’s supposed expert anaylsis. With Little John you except a poorly done critique and equates to low expectations for most prepared readers. Although, JaYson doesn’t have that lovable rotund buffoon look going for him, he needs proper anaylsis and statistics. Ya know what my private sources tell me, JaYson Stark far deserves more criticism than the Fat Former Philly.


    I think Kruk should stick to what he know’s best….eating

  • OmgZombies

    Lol reminds of an argument I had with a self proclaimed baseball guru. He said the Red Sox did not have a weakness(This was when they were in first) I argued that thier back end of the rotaion was a mess. He argued it wasnt a “big” enough weakness.

    This is the same guy who had a bet with me over who would have the better era between CC and Beckett.

  • http://www.theyankeeuniverse.com/ The Artist

    I’ve come to the conclusion that Kruk writes for people who can’t read.

    • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

      Or think. Or bathe.

      So, Bonstoners, then. Copy.

  • http://www.retire21.org Mike R. – Retire 21

    Kruk is clearly the best analyst the worldwide leader has. He has no weaknesses, other than a total lack of any discernible intelligence. He is obviously being groomed to replace Gammons when he’s gone.

  • pete

    yah read that this morning, laughed, and moved on with my day. the stark piece was what annoyed me. he said that the yankees had “win-the-world-series upside” in their rotation but ranked them fourth, basically copping out and saying that if they do, he’ll say “I knew they were capable of that” and if they don’t he’ll say “I knew they weren’t good enough.” I wonder what kruk will say when money finally wins a championship though. I think ESPN might explode.

  • Charlie

    My god, that article was fucking ridiculous. it legitimately seems like some kind of joke. the boston espn bias is just overflowing at this point. kruky musta been stoned when he wrote that, what an awful article.

    • http://www.riveraveblues.com Joseph Pawlikowski

      “kruky musta been stoned when he wrote that”

      Stoned people are either more creative than that, or too lazy to write that much.

      • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

        Yup. Joe speaks from experience…

        • Joey

          One day there will be a weed infused IPA and Joe (and I) will be in heaven

  • King of Fruitless Hypotheticals

    Is it possible to end more sentences in prepositions, Fatass?

  • http://ryanhandt.blogspot.com/ handtius

    I was so disturbed by this article, that as soon as I read it, I e-mailed a link to Mike, hoping for a ripe ass whoopin’ of Kruk. Glad someone said something. How can ESPN really get by like this. Are 90% of people really that dumb?

    “Every team has a glaring weskness…but the redsox…eh, except their bullpen….uh, yeah…it isn’t as amazing as we previously told everyone, but they don’t have any glaring weaknesses”

    “the Yankees! oh my god. They need to figure out there rotation order and pick a 4th starter…eh, They’re fucked………GO REDSOX”

    ESPN’s finest work.

  • Opus

    Kruk proves Cosell was right about giving ex-athletes positions as analysts.

  • http://www.teamnerdrage.com leokitty

    I actually think ESPN should have Kruk write more because that little column was hilarious.

    It’s not worth line-by-lining it because it’s just so ridiculous.

  • Lanny

    Kruk makes one appreciate the good ones working over at the MLB Network.

    But Kruk is doing what got him hired. Be loud. Be opinionated.

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  • http://kikojones5.blogspot.com Kiko Jones

    And to think that Kruk piece actually was edited by someone…more Red Sux love from ESPN; anyone surprised?

    • King of Fruitless Hypotheticals

      Mmm…read it again and come and say somebody edited that.

      I’m just sayin…

  • Tank the Frank

    Yeah I read this piece in the afternoon and I couldn’t help leaving a few choice comments. ESPN columns rarely make me angry – simply because I know what to expect from them – but this one was in another stratosphere.

    Kruk’s logic:

    Daisuke Matsuzaka, after three months on the disabled list, makes two starts and looks good. Therefor, Boston = no pitching problems. Andy Pettitte skips a start (one or two…or three, a few, he’s been out for the season) for precautionary reasons, comes back, looks good. Therefor, Yankees = pitching problems.

    Ok…..got it.

  • MikeD

    Kruk used to play the part of what he knows well: The sorta funny, fat dumb guy. Unfortunately, now ESPN wants him to be serious, which is a capability he can not fake.

    He sucks.

  • JFH

    Kruk is the same genius who picked the Yanks to finish 3rd and miss the playoffs.

    Also the same genius (along with almost all of the Everything Sox Programming Network) who criticized the Yankees signings over the winter (no upside), but lauded the Sox’s signing of Penny and Smoltz and their high upside. Huh? High upside was some sort of guarantee for quality starts I guess.

    Also lauded the Sox lineup, but cited the many question marks in the Yankee lineup. So, (this spring) no Manny, a recovering Ortiz, Varitek, no solid shortstop, etc = no question marks?

    ESPN has gotten to be a joke and they are hard to watch for many reasons. Kruk is just one of them.

  • Al from BX

    Eh hes a grade A moron. Article sucks and its very biased. In MLB.com they have a video by the MLB Network breaking down the Achilles heel of all playoff caliber teams and it mentioned that the Red Sox don’t have the intangibles it once had.

    • JFH

      but they have Varitek, Captain Intangibles!

      • Andrew M.

        I love what Keith Law said in his chat yesterday about Captain Intangible. Said he was a horrible game caller and thought he lost every finger on his throwing arm to an accident besides his index finger since all he calls for are fastballs.

  • Andy

    One criticism of Brian’s article, because I am that anal – when you’re ripping Kruk’s retarded version of English, make sure to really edit your comments (i.e. “The Red Sox have the fewest weakness[es] going into the postseason,” and “overea[c]ting”).

  • Zack

    Before this i didnt care what happened this weekend, now I want a sweep and have Kruk run and hide.

    • Zack

      and isnt this the same ESPN thats working out a deal with Kraft’s Promotion company? Let me guess, next they’ll hire John Henry as their producer.