Talking to an anonymous scout about the Yanks

Open Thread: The games are a comin'
Fan Confidence Poll: March 1st, 2010

I recently had a chance to sit down and talk about the Yankees with a long-time scout. I’m not going to tell you who it is or what team he works for or if he even exists, but he’s been around the game all of his life, and he knows of what he speaks. Coincidentally, Gene Wojciechowski did the same thing at ESPN yesterday. Call it dumb luck.

Anyway, thanks to the scout, who shall remain anonymous, for taking the time to talk to us about our favorite team.

Mike: Thanks for talking with us. Let’s start right at the top and get your thoughts about the front of the rotation?

Scout: C.C. Sabathia is a beast. When you imagine an ace in your head, you picture Sabathia. But 50 lbs. lighter. [Laughs] Not that there’s anything wrong with being so big, he makes it work. I wish he was on my side.

[A.J.] Burnett’s got a great arm. A great, great arm. A great arm. It’s a great arm. But I’m not sure he’s intellectually all there for him to take that next step. I mean … he won 13 games with a 4.04 ERA. Jason Marquis won 15 games with a 4.04 ERA. What does that tell you? His pie facials are good for the team, though.

Andy [Pettitte] isn’t what he once was, but he’s still pretty good. A team like the Yankees needs that veteran stabilizer in the rotation, the guy who’s been there, done that. It’s hard not to like Andy, he’s such a competitor, and as long as they have him in the rotation, they’ll be fine. He’s their stabilizer. He stabilizes the whole thing.

They traded for Javy Vazquez, what are your thoughts on him?

Javier’s a nice pitcher. He had a great year in Atlanta, but the AL East is a different division. If I was the Yankees, I’d look at what he did in 2004 and wonder “Are we getting that Javy, or the Javy from the other 11 seasons of his career?” It’s tough to say. He’s definitely an upgrade over what they had in the back of the rotation last year, but they have to hope he pitches well so they don’t have to keeping starting guys on short rest in the playoffs again.

Actually, only four of the 15 games they played last postseason were started by a guy working on three days rest. What do you think happens with Phil Hughes and Joba Chamberlain this season?

Well, the Yankees need another starter. They only have four right now, and teams these days carry five. So that means one of those two will be their last starter. For me, I’d put Joba in the bullpen. He’s just a different animal when he works in relief, it’s almost like he’s a bull in a china shop. He’s a grunt and fart kind of guy. You can stick him out there, let him grow into the closer after Mariano Rivera, and not worry about that anymore.

Hughes is much calmer than Joba, he’s more like a cow in a meadow than a bull in a china shop. He was very good in the bullpen last year, which surprised me. It’s not often you see a young pitcher struggle as a starter before finding some success in the bullpen. I think he’s a changed man after working the eighth inning last year. He’s more aggressive, more dominant, yet so serene. I think he can carry that over and back into the rotation.

Speaking of Rivera, what’s it like scouting a guy like that?

Rivera’s on another level. It’s like going to business school and being taught by Donald Trump. I  saw him in Double-A, and he was a stick. I didn’t think he would last as a starter, and sure enough he didn’t. What surprised me is that he succeeded in the bullpen without that bull in a china shop mentality. He’s one of the all-time greats, getting by on that great cutter. I tell my team to watch the inner half, then he carves them up outside. Then they watch the outer half, and he comes inside.

He’s amazing.

Any thoughts on the rest of the bullpen?

I didn’t see them too much last year, but [Damaso] Marte is a quality lefty. He won’t be as good as he was against the Phillies again. [Laughs]

I saw [Al] Aceves in Mexico and recommended him to my team, but the Yanks grabbed him before we could. I like him, he’s as gritty as a pitcher can be. He’s one gritty son of a bitch. Chan Ho Park gives them an Asian on the team, which is huge because they were going to lose a lot of money in Japan and stuff when they let Hideki [Matsui] leave.

Speaking of Matsui, the Yankees lost him and Johnny Damon, but replaced them with Curtis Granderson and Nick Johnson. How do you think that will work out?

Matsui and Damon have been great Yankees for a long time. And they were clutch, you could look them in the eye in a big spot and tell they weren’t scared. They’ll miss that.

I really like Curtis Granderson, but he doesn’t really fit with the Yankees. For one, he’s young. But for two, he’s athletic. The Yankees aren’t known for athletes, they’re known as the Bronx Bombers, they need power bats.

He hit 30 homers last year.

But will he do that again? Matsui was a lock for 30-100 every year.

Matsui had 30 homers and 100 RBI once as a Yankee, and it was six years ago.

I’m telling you, he was a lock for it. My point is, you don’t know what to expect from Granderson. He’s an exciting player, but I don’t think he fits the Yankee mold.

As for Johnston [sic], well I don’t know what to make of him. He’s got a bad body, and he’s too passive at the plate. It’s almost like he goes up there praying for a walk. I want my DH’s to be big boppers, and Johnston’s [sic] just big. You knew what you were getting out of Damon and Matsui, why fix what ain’t broke?

Fair enough. How do you feel about giving Brett Gardner a chance to play every day?

Gardner’s another guy who doesn’t fit the Yankee mold. He’s a gamer. He fights and battles and does all the little things that don’t show up in box scores. I like him, and they’re probably better off letting him use that speed at the top of the order.

Let’s move on to some of the bigger name players on the team. A-Rod looked like a new man last season, and he had some huge hits in the playoffs. A lot of people talked about how he used to be a cancer in the clubhouse, but that’s apparently changed too. How important do you think team chemistry is?

[Laughs] Well, they always said A-Rod was bad for clubhouse chemistry, but it turns out he was pretty good at chemistry, didn’t it?

Was that a steroids joke?

[Laughs] Yeah.

Look, A-Rod is a great player. Always has been. But he’s such a fake, I don’t know what to think of him. There were all these questions about his ability to come through in a big spot, and after he did it last year, you have to wonder if he’s up to doing it again. I think he has a chance to get complacent. He’s already made millions in this game, now that he has his title, what’s left for him to do?

We don’t know if he’s up to doing it all again, like the good old boys were. Bernie [Williams] hit that big homer once, Paulie [O’Neill] used to beat the shit out of watercoolers when he failed. Do we ever see A-Rod do that? No. That how I like my players. If they can’t hit the ball, hit the watercooler. I want passion.

What about Derek Jeter?

Oh, Jeter. Derek Jeter is all that’s right in baseball and the world. He’s obviously a great player, but he’s even a greater person. He’s done so much for the Yankees, the organization, the city of New York, their fans … he’s what makes it all go. If I were the Yankees, I’d give him a blank contract after the year, and let him fill in the numbers. I’d trust him to do the right thing.

You’d give him a blank contract?

That’s what I said. He’d do the right thing with it, because he’s Derek Jeter.

Okay then. Now let’s quickly touch on some of the other players on the team. Mark Teixeira?

Great all-around player. I’d worry about his performance in October last year, that could signify a lack of clutch.

Robinson Cano?

Great swing, but he lacks focus. If he ever got his head screwed on straight, he could do a lot of damage in this game. He needs to look at that guy in Boston, [Dustin] Pedroia, and watch how he plays. He wants it.

Nick Swisher?

Another guy like Johnston [sic], praying for a walk whenever he gets to plate. He’ll make you pay if you make a mistake, plus he’s a prankster. The Yankees aren’t known for pranksters.

Jorge Posada?

Georgie’s been so great for the Yankees for so long. For me, he’s the glue that keeps the team together. Him and Jeter. We saw it in 2008, the team collapsed when he got hurt. He’s old, especially for a catcher, but I’d keep running him out there because he’s so important to the team. Georgie is like the Andy Pettitte of the hitters.

You mean he’s like a stabilizer?

Yeah.

What about Joe Girardi?

Joe’s a smart guy, but now he doesn’t have a contract. After this season, I mean. You have to worry that that might wear on him, and he might start making panic calls because he thinks his job is on the line. He got it done last year, but now he has to do it again. Plus, I don’t think the front office likes him very much.

Last question: How do you think the Yanks will do this season?

On paper, they’re the best team in the league. In all of baseball. But the games don’t get played on paper, they have to do it on the field. They’ve got a good rotation, and a good bullpen, and a good lineup, but will it be enough? They play in a tough division, you might say it’s the toughest in baseball.

I’ll tell you this much, I wouldn’t want to play them in the short series.

email
Open Thread: The games are a comin'
Fan Confidence Poll: March 1st, 2010
  • bexarama

    Well this is… terrible.

    (w/apologies to the scout.)

    • http://www.riveraveblues.com Mike Axisa

      (Pssst, it’s a joke. Hence the “Whimsy” tag.)

      • bexarama

        I never wrote that. (whistles innocently)

      • bexarama

        I mean … he won 13 games with a 4.04 ERA. Jason Marquis won 15 games with a 4.04 ERA. What does that tell you?

        Really, that should have been a dead giveaway. (smacks self)

      • miller

        You can tell because a real scout would never refer to a non-white player as gritty.

        • bexarama

          But they said Cano didn’t care and had to watch Pedroia!

          God, I am such a moron.

          • http://none Jake

            I think Robby has more talent than Dustin, but overall, Robby comes across as careless, and clueless in big moments.

            It’s hard to argue with his ridiculous numbers, but as far as the top 2B in the game go, he’s not the gamer, that guys like Utley are because he gets pitchers out of trouble by chasing whatever they feel like throwing.

            • bexarama

              I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.

              • http://none Jake

                Cano hit .193 in October last year.
                Is that funny to you?

                • Deuce

                  That’s funny to me..

                • bexarama

                  Cano hit .193 in October last year.
                  Is that funny to you?

                  I think you’re being serious but after falling for this, I’m not declaring anything definitively.

                  So what should count more: the bad 15-game sample size, or the awesome 162-game sample size, hmm?

                • bexarama

                  And also, your boy Pedroia hit .167 in October. Clearly, that means he didn’t care as much as Cano. I can do this too!

                • http://None Jake

                  Okay, I’ll play.

                  What was Cano’s batting average with runners in scoring position last year?

                • http://None Jake

                  I’ll give you a hint, it was terrible.

                • bexarama

                  I’m well-aware that he was pretty terrible with RISP last year, as are most Yankee fans. He had a .207 BA, that’s bad. It is, however, one year.

                  But sure. OMG he doesn’t care and he sucks. Trade him for Pedroia right now. Pedroia cares because he dives for balls hit right near him.

                • bexarama

                  Also, he had a pretty putrid BABIP with RISP. So, maybe he was getting affected by some bad luck and will improve next year. Who knows.

                • http://None Jake

                  The “a” in Cano stood for along for the ride.
                  Pedr earned his ring. Boston didn’t win in 07 despite him.

                • Dirty Pena: The Triple Entendre of DP
                • bexarama

                  The “a” in Cano stood for along for the ride.

                  o_O

                  Dude had a 129 OPS+ as a 2B last year. What the heck else could you be looking for?

                • Dirty Pena: The Triple Entendre of DP

                  And Jake, if you read this: I BEG you to comment in the open thread stating this point of view.

                • http://None Jake

                  No offense, but you don’t know the first thing about the game if you think Cano is a great player.

                • http://none Jake

                  “Jake: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sample_size

                  When has Cano been a smart player?

                  Answer: Never.

                  Sample size? Do you even know what that means?
                  The guy has never been good with RISP.

                  The sample is the rare occasion when he comes through. Like 5 times a year.

                • bexarama

                  No offense, but you don’t know the first thing about the game if you think Cano is a great player.

                  I don’t know what to say. You win, Jake!

      • brockdc

        I’ve been punk’d.

  • Hey Yo

    “He’s just a different animal when he works in relief, it’s almost like he’s a bull in a china shop. He’s a grunt and fart kind of guy. You can stick him out there, let him grow into the closer after Mariano Rivera, and not worry about that anymore”.

    So, do you take his word for it or the many geeks and nerds who say that Joba should be a starter?
    Scout>>>Stat Nerds

    • Esteban

      Is this a joke? I really hope so.

    • Salty Buggah

      I this just comment proves how the MSM thinking is wrong. It was sarcasm yet this guy thought it was real. That’s how bad its gotten out there.

      Stat “Nerds” understand the game well, probably more than most people and scouts (yes, even if some don’t play baseball themselves.)

      Scouts are better are evaluating talent.

      • Jack

        /Salty’d?

        • Salty Buggah

          What’s that supposed to mean? I didn’t explain a joke…I think (I assumed what Esteban said wasn’t sarcasm. If it was, well, sarcasm meter fail).

          • Salty Buggah

            Err, not Esteban (sorry man). I meant “Hey Yo.”

            • Esteban

              haha no worries. I’m still astounded (though maybe I shouldn’t be) that people think this way.

    • DP

      Even though the interview is fake, and this comment is useless, I am going to answer your question anyway: The many geeks and nerds. That applies to “Scout X” mostly, but yeah.

    • http://None Jake

      Anyone that thinks Joba should be a starter, must like being down 5-0 in the 2nd inning.

      • http://www.retire21.com first name only male (formerly Mike R. – Retire 21

        Whenever I read your comments, the voice in my head sounds angry and drunk.

  • http://www.richardiurilli.com Richard Iurilli

    This was hilarious, Mike.

    Cow in a meadow = newest addition to the RAB meme dictionary?

    • http://www.riveraveblues.com Mike Axisa

      I’m hoping “If they can’t hit the ball, hit the watercooler” sticks.

      • Klemy

        There is no question. It will. lol

  • http://www.thechuckknoblog.com/ JobaWockeeZ

    Good job Mike! I should get this thing figured out by now with the Melvin and the April Fool posts.

  • shatner

    that was awful.. i think he hit on every cliche in the world.. a-rod unclutch, tex must be unclutch, yanks are the best on paper, people dont fit as yankees

  • Big Juan

    There are just no words, Axisa.

    This post = TEH AWESOME!1!!1!

  • bexarama

    That said, because it’s a joke, this post is AMAAAAAZING.

    • DP

      Ouch. Well at least you helped clarify it for some. Everyone’s sarcasm meter fails once in awhile.

      • bexarama

        It wasn’t so much sarcasm as much as the fact that it sounded exactly like that scout, and I didn’t see certain things as parodies of what that scout was saying.

        I really like Curtis Granderson, but he doesn’t really fit with the Yankees. For one, he’s young. But for two, he’s athletic. The Yankees aren’t known for athletes, they’re known as the Bronx Bombers, they need power bats.

        He hit 30 homers last year.

        But will he do that again? Matsui was a lock for 30-100 every year.

        Matsui had 30 homers and 100 RBI once as a Yankee, and it was six years ago.

        I’m telling you, he was a lock for it. My point is, you don’t know what to expect from Granderson. He’s an exciting player, but I don’t think he fits the Yankee mold.

        This entire section is PRICELESS.

        • Slugger27

          that really was the funniest part… cow-in-a-meadow a close runner-up

  • AJ

    I fell for it. I hated that scout.

    • Joey

      So did I, so did I. Although towards the end I was thinking this guy is pushing every wrong button it can’t be real. The Melvin prospect profile is still the greatest thing ever written though

  • http://enternight.mlblogs.com Ana

    High comedy, good sir. I approve.

  • http://www.yfsf.org AndrewYF

    Okay, I actually believed this until I read the first comment.

    I seriously couldn’t believe the “I’m telling you, he was a lock for it.” But I believed it anyway, because I read Gene’s article and that ‘scout’ was just as dumb.

    This was fantastic.

  • Harry G

    I LMFAO’d all thru dis post. Hilarious job, Mike! So typical of what a “scout” would say…
    Gene Woj is an abosulote tool…
    I love how it’s all dramatized “Scout X”, as if finding a “scout who shall remain anonymous” to fill up your ESPN.com article and support your own theories and sentiments you’re trying to push is some “exclusive” thing…

  • Mike HC

    Extremely funny first half of the article. Really well done, and sadly, not that far off from ESPN’s anon scout’s opinions (if there even was one, as you mentioned as well).

  • http://www.progressamericana.com/ Pablo Zevallos

    I thoroughly enjoyed this. You sorta had me there–the “scout” really sounded like the ones you hear about on the Internet!

  • Jack

    The Yankees aren’t known for pranksters.

    Smiling is frowned upon.

    • http://www.yfsf.org AndrewYF

      So is athleticism. David Ortiz is a perfect fit.

  • BigBlueAL

    After reading this I thought it was an interview with John Kruk.

  • vin

    Nicely done. The “comments” about Posada and Pettitte led me to believe it was a legit interview. Also, nice touch with “Johnston.” “Cow in a meadow” is awesome too.

  • http://www.miraluka.com woainidepigu

    The “scout” in the Wojciechowski piece basically just took every MSM headline and regurgitated.

    And that’s what I felt like doing after reading his thoughts. Like regurgitating whatever food I ate today.

  • http://www.i-yankees.com iYankees

    Haha, as I read the very beginning, I was thinking, “How is Mike holding back on this guy?” Love the part about the bullpen. Great post.

  • Marcus

    Wow, simply awesome. Many jewels in there.

    Donald Trump = good businessman, may have been my favorite.

    The running “doesn’t fit the Yankees” joke was great too.

  • DP

    This “scout” sounds EXACTLY like my ex-roommate.

    On a related note, I contemplated murdering my roommate. lie detector buzzes.

    OK, beating up my roommate. lie detector buzzes.

    OK, telling my roommate he was wrong. lie detector buzzes

    OK I NODDED IN AGREEMENT WITH MY ROOMMATE EVERY TIME. bing!

    Now will you unhook this thing already? I don’t deserve this kind of treatment! lie detector buzzes.

    • Pat D

      Someone has watched “Who Shot Mr. Burns?” a few too many times…

      • DP

        Well, you got it without me pointing out where it was from sooo

        • Pat D

          Yea, I watched it a few too many times when it debuted, so I can probably recite the whole episode. So, yea.

          Well played.

          As far as the article is concerned, nice job of sticking it to ESPN. Where there “scout” said something about A-Rod being a fake, but a great player still, I wanted to hurt someone. However, I think that there is a good possibility that scouts with this thought pattern do exist. Hopefully if any are employed by the Yankees, they have next to no real input.

  • Salty Buggah

    Haha, awesome job. I think most of the regulars who comment a lot will get its a joke. Hopefully, other people who are new or don’t read comments or aren’t really regulars get it. If not, I think a disclaimer at the bottom might be a good thing.

    • http://mystiqueandaura.com/ JMK the Overshare’s Mystique and Aura

      No way. A disclaimer ruins it.

    • Big Juan

      Nah…it’ll be too much fun to make fun of all the people that take it seriously lol.

    • Salty Buggah

      Hmmm, both of you are right. Maybe people like pistol pete will use this post in their arguments.

      “That one scout Mike interviewed said the same thing!?!!?!!!”

    • Benjamin

      had me right up till the “Yeahm but he’s a lock for it” part. I was startin to think it was either Kruk or “gasp” Schilling.

  • http://mystiqueandaura.com/ JMK the Overshare’s Mystique and Aura

    So ace, Mike.

  • http://janeheller.mlblogs.com/yank_c.jpg T-Dubs

    I’m so happy you did this. That WOJO article had me fuming.

  • pat

    This is so good it’s frightening. The sad part is you could probably write for ESPN using this same format.

  • http://mystiqueandaura.com/ JMK the Overshare’s Mystique and Aura

    I don’t want to spoil things, kids, but it’s very possible there really was a scout like the one Shallow Gene Pool claims to have interviewed.

    My evidence: Jerry Manuel.

  • PaulF

    This was amazing

  • JGS

    I can’t believe that scout mentioned implied that Aceves is grittier than Gardner. He’s Mexican!

  • pete

    you had me until “grunt and fart”.

    loved the “intellectually all there” comment about Burnett, and “cow in a meadow” is an instant-meme classic

  • Rey22

    As stupid as the ESPN article was, I’m crossing my fingers “Scout X”‘s predictions come true. Wouldn’t mind Yanks over Cards in the World Series.

    You had me going for a sec with the article, till I got to the Jason Marquis and wins part.

    • Bo

      Scout X is really going out on a limb there by putting the two teams with the best records last yr in the series.

  • ecksodia

    Hilarious. I read the ESPN article before this, so when I saw that a similar argument was made about Marquis-Burnett (the Cain-Lincecum one, obviously), I didn’t know whether it was an amazing coincidence that such horrible logic popped up again, or a cleverly disguised parody.

    So I just chose to read on, neither believing it’s true, but not quite ready to label it a farce…

    Until I read the part about Matsui being a lock for 30-100. LOL.

  • Slugger27

    very nice post mike… its been bookmarked

    the aj wins thing gave me a little hesitation, but ill be honest, i STILL thought it was real until the matsui part and then i was like “ok wait a minute….”

  • Ori M

    This scout was an idiot, you obviously knew more than he did. Only a Yankee hater would suggest that A-Rod isn’t up to it again.

    • Slugger27

      This scout was an idiot

      that was the whole point, and what made it hilarious

    • whozat

      so…the lengthy discussion here in the comments about how this post is a gag, including the second comment where the author said it’s a gag, didn’t clue you in that the post is a gag?

    • Big Juan
    • DP

      /bexarama’d

      Oh yes, I went there (haha sorry!)

      • bexarama

        I absolutely deserve that!

  • Slugger27

    its funny cuz the people that read the whole thing and didnt realize it was a joke are probably the people that agreed with it

    • bexarama

      I was gonna do a mini-FJM on it and then I decided against it, and was just like, “That scout is DUMB!” And then it was fake.

  • bexarama

    Also PRICELESS:
    If I was the Yankees, I’d look at what he did in 2004 and wonder “Are we getting that Javy, or the Javy from the other 11 seasons of his career?”

  • http://janeheller.mlblogs.com/yank_c.jpg T-Dubs

    I’ll be honest. I was still sort of on the fence until this:

    I saw [Al] Aceves in Mexico and recommended him to my team, but the Yanks grabbed him before we could. I like him, he’s as gritty as a pitcher can be. He’s one gritty son of a bitch. Chan Ho Park gives them an Asian on the team, which is huge because they were going to lose a lot of money in Japan and stuff when they let Hideki [Matsui] leave.

  • DP

    I think the fakeness of this kinda gave itself away immediately:

    I recently had a chance to sit down and talk about the Yankees with a long-time scout. I’m not going to tell you who it is or what team he works for or if he even exists,

    • Tom Zig

      Attention to detail FTW

    • Big Juan

      Stop it with your reading comprehension and common sense DP.

    • bexarama

      from someone who fell for it, I’m pretty sure I read that, went, “Hmmm?” and then was so outraged/confused by the stupidity by the end I had forgotten about it.

      • Tom Zig

        Yeah I completely missed that part. I was saying the entire time he can’t be serious, he can’t be serious, he can’t be serious. Mike did a great job tricking us though.

      • DP

        Well, let me give you a warning. Exactly a month from today there’s an excellent chance another fake article gets written. Or if you see something like this: http://riveraveblues.com/2009/.....sett-6724/ ….fake.

        /just lookin out for ya, heh

  • Carl

    Love this post [Laughs]

  • http://www.theyankeeu.com/ Nostra-Artist

    Does this scout do afternoon drive on WFAN?

    • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Archimedes Torquemada

      (chugs Diet Coke)

  • Yankeegirl49

    Fanfreakintastic!

  • miketotheg

    “All I have in this world is my balls, and my word, and I don’t break ‘em for no one, jou understand?”

  • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Archimedes Torquemada

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TylvUGJIi_w (safe)

    THIS IS GOLD, JERRY!!!!

    GOLD!

  • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Archimedes Torquemada

    The key to excellent satire is attention to detail; it’s the details that really make it happen, make it pop. My favorite subtle masterstroke detail you included, Mike, was the repetitiveness.

    Idiots often repeat themselves excessively, and for no reason, going on and on and on saying the same thing. Because it’s the only thing in their head. So, when they repeat themselves, and babble, and carry on, you can tell they’re idiots. Because they repeat themselves. And say the same thing over and over. And over.

    Your anonymous scout did that very well, Mike. He repeated himself. Often, I’d be reading one sentence and then the next sentence would subsequently be read by me, and BOOM, I’d realize that something about that second sentence sounded like something from the first sentence. So I’d go back and read the first sentence again, and then I’d read the second sentence again, so that I had read both of the first and the second sentences together to make sure that they sounded familiar to each other for the reason I was thinking they had sounded familiar to each other, and I’d figured out that I was right: the reason they sounded familiar is because something the anonymous scout said in the first sentence was repeated in the second sentence.

    He had been repeating himself. Which is a clear sign of being an idiot.

    So, in summary, good job, Mike, for interviewing an anonymous scout who is repetitive and clearly doesn’t know what he’s talking about. That attention to detail really made your satire pop.

    It made it happen.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bring-Melvin-To-America/193013541601?ref=sgm Andy In Sunny Daytona

      +1. Excellent post. I agree whole heartedly. TCWA. LMFAO. I LOL’d.

    • pete

      this is amazing

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bring-Melvin-To-America/193013541601?ref=sgm Andy In Sunny Daytona

    Long live the Ax.

    Funny stuff. Cow-in-a-meadow mentality. Perfect.

  • theyankeewarrior

    I like my DH’s to MASH… like potatoes! I’m not an OPS+ kinda guy. I’m more of a BA and RBI kinda guy.

    • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Archimedes Torquemada

      I like my DHs like I like my women: full of chemically-induced brawn and rage, capable of crushing homers just as easily as she can crush my spirit (and spine).

      Sincerely,
      JMK the Overshare

  • Bo

    The “scout” is right about Joba.

    • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Archimedes Torquemada

      I will explain. No, there is too much; I will sum up.

      —————————-

      Mike Axisa: Here, as a goof, I’m going to list a few dozen horrendously stupid and nonsensical lines of utterly moronic bullshit that only rampant idiots without a functioning cerebral cortex would EVER EVER agree with, cleverly disguised as the insipid inane rantings of a slack-jawed troglodyte anonymous scout.

      SBGL: I agree with one of the horrendously stupid and nonsensical lines of utterly moronic bullshit that only rampant idiots without a functioning cerebral cortex would EVER EVER agree with.

      Theoretical Mike: Thanks for proving my point, friendo.

      • Templeton “Brendog” Peck

        Theoretical Mike: Thanks for proving my point, friendo.

        i knew there was a reason we kept him around

    • Big Juan
  • http://yanksdraftsandprospects.blogspot.com/ Jake H

    Pretty hilarious. Matsui is a lock!

  • Templeton “Brendog” Peck

    i knew this was a joke as soon as i saw that you mentioned woj’s post too. god that was awful. I read that thing and afterwards ws like, really? REALLY?

  • Rose

    Matsui had 30 homers and 100 RBI once as a Yankee, and it was six years ago.

    I’m telling you, he was a lock for it. My point is, you don’t know what to expect from Granderson. He’s an exciting player, but I don’t think he fits the Yankee mold.

    Huh?? I’d be scratching my head for hours…

    • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Archimedes Torquemada

      Huh?? I’d be scratching my head for hours…

      http://ecx.images-amazon.com/i.....AA280_.jpg (safe)

      • Rose

        Wes Luger: What you got, Irv?
        Irv: Beats me, Sarge. Dandruff, seborrhoea, maybe just dry, itchy scalp.
        Wes Luger: Have you tried this? I use it.
        Irv: Head & Shoulders? But Sarge, you don’t have dandruff!
        Wes Luger: I know…

        • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Archimedes Torquemada

          Colt: But I’ll tell you this: It’s gonna take a lot more than a couple of car bombs to get us off of this case.
          Wes Luger: Not a helluva lot more.

  • Chris

    Well done! You managed to hit all the points, although I’m surprised the scout wasn’t more vocal that the Yankees should have added Kei Igawa and Brett Gardner to the Granderson deal to entice the Tigers to throw in Verlander.

    • Spaceman.Spiff

      That’s not scout or media-speak. That’s irrational fan-speak, which does not apply.

  • Rose

    Fair enough. How do you feel about giving Brett Gardner a chance to play every day?

    Gardner’s another guy who doesn’t fit the Yankee mold. He’s a gamer. He fights and battles and does all the little things that don’t show up in box scores. I like him, and they’re probably better off letting him use that speed at the top of the order.

    Gardner is a gamer who doesn’t fit with the Yankees but Joba Chamberlain needs to be in the bullpen because he’s the bull in the china shop where phil hughes is too calm and he never expected Mariano Rivera to be so successful not being the bull in the china shop…

    Sheesh…

    • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Archimedes Torquemada
    • Zack

      (Understands it’s a joke in 3…2…1…)

      • Rose

        Gimme a break, it’s Monday morning. I usually take the weekends off from the internet so at first glance I figured it were serious. I get it now…

        Jokey thread
        _______________

        My head

        • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Archimedes Torquemada
        • Zack

          its ok, alot of people missed it. i would have too if i didnt see the original article

          • http://iheartrerun.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/rerun.jpg The Honorable Congressman Mondesi

            … And the other hundred or so comments.

            • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Archimedes Torquemada

              … and the fact that the post itself was over the top enough that you should have picked up on the obvious satire anyway.

              • http://iheartrerun.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/rerun.jpg The Honorable Congressman Mondesi

                Right, that too. lol

                I’m totally piling on at this point… But I’m really pretty surprised how many people seem to have missed the joke.

                • Zack

                  I can see where people missed it. We’ve read a lot of stupid pieces over the last 2-3 years involving Joba and everything, so I think some people get so pissed while reading it they dont even process the jokes Mike slipped in there, and probably dont even read the comments but just go right to the end of the page to post their opinion.

                • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Archimedes Torquemada

                  Perhaps. Here’s the dead giveaway, though (besides the post being tagged WHIMSY, which is the dead-dead giveaway):

                  Mike didn’t conclude the “transcript” of the interview with any of his own thoughts or rebuttals. There’s no way–had this legitimately been a real interview with a real “anonymous scout”–that Mike would have written a post about the thoughts of said scout without ending it with his opinion of “Here’s 2-3 reasons why I think this guy is a moron… now discuss”.

                • Rose

                  I thought perhaps he bugged the phone and just wrote what was said from the recording. Not to mention the “Johnston [sic]” kind of threw me off. Pretty clever…

            • Rose

              I don’t always read every comment before I post…especially if it says (75) or more.

  • Zack

    Mike, one of the best posts I’ve read.

    “like a cow in a meadow than a bull in a china shop.”

    Ha, I love a laugh at 9:37am

    • http://twitter.com/tsjc68 tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Archimedes Torquemada

      I love the smell of laughter in the morning.

      /Kilgore’d

  • A.D.

    This was gold.

  • mark the spark

    Half the MSM probably would agree with most of this even though it was a joke.

    In fact, it all sounded a lot like something John Kruk would have said.

  • Klemy

    I can’t help but think, even with this interview being fake, that some of those things were said by Heyman or Verducci on MLB Network’s Hot Stove recently. lol

    • bexarama

      Javy makes the team WORSE!

      /SNY’d

      • Zack

        Melky had tons of walk off hits at YS- how many walk off hits has Granderson have at YS? ZERO!!

  • http://mystiqueandaura.com Steve H

    This belongs in the post Hall of Fame.

    Bravo.

  • http://twitter.com/riddering Riddering

    If I was the Yankees, I’d look at what he did in 2004 and wonder “Are we getting that Javy, or the Javy from the other 11 seasons of his career?”

    Mr. Axisa, I think I love you.

  • Tony

    This was classic…very enjoyable to read

  • Jeremy

    Very entertaining, slightly frightening stuff. For all their talk about the “danger” of the Yankees getting complacent, many people who are paid to write and talk about baseball are unbelievably complacent. They drill a thought or two into their heads (Joba to the pen, A-Fraud, X = True Yankee, and so on) and never change their position no matter what evidence contradicts it.

  • LosingOurHeads

    give derek a blank contract. He’ll do the right thing. Hilarious.

    Derek Jeter is good for the world. Score.

  • TucsonTumbleweed

    Good thing the scout’s name is not used as he sounds less intelligent than Burnett! I could not believe his reaction to Mike’s use of stats, such as reminding him that Matsui hasnt hit 30/100 in six years – the scout still maintained that Matsui is a lock for it! Whatever team has this scout is probably not getting their money’s worth.

  • TucsonTumbleweed

    Good thing we have folks like Spaceman to learn us dumbfolk!

  • mryankee

    Pretty good-I wanted to rant and rave at first then realized thsi was a joke.

  • Tank the Frank

    Hahahahaha!! This is classic! I knew it was a joke at the AJ Burnett line…about not being there intellectually. I read the Gene Woj. article before this and that’s exactly what “Scout X” said about Joba. That and the comment about A-Rod is such trash.

    I believe I’ll refer to a recent Domino’s commercial and say that his entire article is nothing but “puffery,” an exaggerated statement based on opinion rather than fact.

    I seriously can’t contain my contempt for ESPN sometimes. Peter Gammons is gone…Steve Phillips is gone…but somehow they still manage to churn out some of the worst baseball analysis on the planet. Gene Woj. is absolute trash.

  • http://www.itsaboutthemoney.net Jason @ IIATMS

    While reading and debating the “merits” of this interview with Gene Woj’s, I was simply stumped. I began wondering what, exactly, scouts were doing these days…

    Thanks for the early April Fool’s joke. Loved it

  • LB

    Hilarious

  • http://kierstenschmidt.com Kiersten

    It took me way too long to catch on, but great stuff.

  • http://firerickreilly.com Tapps

    Nice work…he’s another take on the Wojciechowski column if anyone’s interested. http://firerickreilly.com/2010.....t-a-scout/

  • http://enternight.mlblogs.com Ana

    Sooo this piece is front page on YESNetwork.com. Do they know it’s a joke?

  • http://WayneD WayneD

    I want to make a few observations concerning A-Rod’s “ability to come through in a big spot” by comparing his record to some other great players’ records.

    In the 11 playoff series in which A-Rod had at least 10 ABs, A-Rod has:

    * hit between .308 and .455 in 6 of 11 series or 55% of the time.

    * a lifetime playoff average of .302 in 199 ABs.

    * hit 13 HRs in 199 Abs or one HR every 15.3 ABs.

    * an OBP of between .308 and .567 in 10 of 11 series, and an average OBP of .409.

    * an SLG of between .467 and 1.000 in 8 of 11 series, and a career playoff SLG of .568.

    * an OPS of between .615 and 1.519 in 10 of 11 series, and a career playoff OPS of .977.

    Now, let’s compare A-Rod to Willie Mays’ “ability to come through in a big spot” in the playoffs.

    In the four (4 ) playoff series in which Mays had at least 10 ABs (all of which occurred in his prime), Mays:

    * hit .300 or better zero (0) times or 0.0% of the time.

    * had a career playoff average of .247 in 89 ABs.

    * hit 1 HR in 89 ABs (that’s not a typo folks); that’s 1 HR every 89.0 ABs, compared to A-Rod’s HR rate of one every 15.3 ABs.

    * had an OBP of .308 or higher in 2 of 4 series, and a career playoff OBP of .323, compared to A-Rod’s .409 OBP.

    * an SLG of .467 or higher ONCE, and a career playoff SLG of .337, compared to A-Rod’s .568. (Mays’ highest SLG was .600; A-Rod’s best was 1.000 and A-Rod has surpassed .600 four times.)

    * an OPS of.615 or higher in 2 of 4 series; his highest total was .989, well below A-Rod’s four highest totals of 1.213-1.519.

    The bottom line is this: stop already with the stupid BS about A-Rod not being a big time, “big spot” hitter. He has been HISTORICALLY; he just had two bad playoff series in 2005 and 2006; the rest of his playoff experience has been good to exceptional. And his playoff record is MARKEDLY better than Mays’. Imagine how A-Rod would be vilified if he averaged 1 HR every 89 ABs!

    And A-Rod isn’t alone in “under performing” expectations in one or two playoff appearances. Babe Ruth, probably the greatest playoff player of all-time, hit .118 with a .250 OBP and a .176 SLG in the 1922 World Series against the Giants. Why? Because the Babe was human, and human beings fail sometimes; it’s part of the game and it’s part of life.

    But Ruth and A-Rod and Mays and many others failed less often than they succeeded, and that’s what makes them among the Greatest in the history of the game.

    So stop saying ignorant crap like A-Rod hasn’t proven he’s a “big spot” player. He is a “big spot” player, and only ignorant people think otherwise, including that scout. I just hope that scout you spoke with never works for the Yankees; we don’t need idiots like him in the Yankees’ organization.

    As for the scout’s comment that A-Rod is “a fake,” that’s BS, too. I think we saw the real A-Rod last year for the first time. The steroid revelation left him a more humble man and also seemed to bond him with his teammates for the first time. In a quirk of fate, it seems to have made him a better person and a better teammate.

    But even if you believe A-Rod’s “a fake,” so what? Ty Cobb was an arrogant racist and bigot whose own teammates hated his guts. Does that mean Cobb wasn’t one of the greatest hitters in the history of the game? Of course not!

    • craggy (formerly crapula)

      one more time: IT’S A JOKE

  • Cy Farnsworth

    OK I admit it, I was all pissed off until I read the comments and realized what was going on. Well done sir.

    ” I mean … he won 13 games with a 4.04 ERA. Jason Marquis won 15 games with a 4.04 ERA. What does that tell you? His pie facials are good for the team, though.” = Pure Gold

  • http://newstadiuminsider.com Ross

    I knew this was a joke when I read he is a “grunt and fart” guy.