May
07

What Not To Wear (Ballpark Edition)

By

Official cap of the Gulf oil spill.

I can’t be the only one who likes to look at all the terrible things people wear at the ballpark, right? There should be a law banning bad baseball clothes. Luckily, I’m a girl, so I’m perfectly prepared to make a proper list of fan appropriate attire, and a baseball fan, so I can judge other fans all I want. I could go on for a while with this, but I’ll only cover general stuff and the two most important things.

General Notes

  • You should only be wearing baseball attire of a team in your current ballpark. The lone exception to this is if you are sporting merchandise of a closely affiliated rival. If you’re wearing Red Sox gear at a Yankees/Twins game, I know who you’re rooting for. If you’re wearing Diamondbacks gear, you just look stupid.
  • You should only be wearing the baseball attire of one (1) team that is playing in the ballpark. Anyone who wears both Yankees and Red Sox attire to a Yankees/Sox game should be shot.  The point of wearing team colors is to show your affiliation to a team. Wearing both sides is like admitting you have no rooting interest. Why are you at the ballpark if you don’t want someone to win? Corporate event?
  • Wearing gear of an affiliated minor league team to the major league ballpark (and vice versa) is very cool. Oh, you watch the Trenton Thunder? You must be wise.
  • Don’t wear pink. There are lots of social settings for pink. The ballpark is not one of them.
  • You can tell the SABR geeks from everyone else with their oversized calculators. Avoid at all costs.

Jerseys

The jersey is the ideal shirt for any baseball fan. There are going to be a lot of jersey-wearing folk at any game you go to. Obviously, the people wearing the jerseys are the best fans, so if you have any important questions about the team, they’re the ones to ask. Here are some important rules to follow:

The name/number on the back:

  • Historical players and current players are both okay.
  • The jersey should have the proper name of the player in question. Nicknames are not okay. “Sandman” is for the speakers, not your back.
    • Obscure nicknames will be funny to the four people who recognize them, but I would personally advise against it if you don’t want people giving really strange looks to your back.
    • “Captain Groundballs” and all other witty nicknames are only funny on the internet, not embroidered.
    • Name shortening is not okay.
    • Stealing other players’ nicknames is not okay, even if they apply. A friend of mine once saw a 2 Yankees jersey that had “the Franchise” on it. Take that guy outside and shoot him.
    • Your jersey player shows what kind of person you are:
      • Player working on long, storied career (Jeter, Rivera, Posada): I don’t want to screw up what jersey I have, because I only have one.
      • Player just signed to big contract (Sabathia, Burnett, Teixeira): I like buying jerseys of players that are successful. I probably have a few.
      • Player recently departed (Pettitte, Mussina, Matsui): I have been a fan since before this year.
      • Successful player, but not quite storied (Granderson, Swisher, Hughes): I am trendy, and I’m going to tell people I had this jersey before the player in question got big.
      • Any historically great player (Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio): I have more jersey security and less originality than you could ever have.
      • Pavano jersey: So, what’s a home run, again?

A few additional notes:

  • Do not tuck in your jersey unless you are actually going to play baseball.
  • If you’re going to wear a jersey you found on the internet for $20, at least try to find one that looks close to what your team actually wears.
  • Don’t wear a Pavano jersey.

Baseball Caps

Hats are big. Hats are where most fans go astray, too. The great thing about a hat is that it’s acceptable in virtually every social setting that’s remotely casual, so you can take your visible fan affiliation everywhere you go. While there are lots of different hats (and many you shouldn’t wear), I’m going to focus entirely on baseball caps. I’ve separated this category into some easy Do’s and Don’ts:

Do

  • Wear the hat most like the players of your team. Official caps are simple and classic. If it’s good enough for the ballplayers to be wearing it, you should be wearing it too.
  • The older the cap is, the better. Wear makes hats look better, not worse.
  • Got a cap with an old logo the team doesn’t use any more? Wear it. You’re obviously the best fan.
  • Wear team colors. Again, no pink. The only other acceptable color scheme for a hat is black-on-black. Simple and classic, folks.

Don’t

  • Wear over-complicated designs. The more stuff going on on your hat, the less sense someone is going to make of it.
  • Leave the sticker on your hat. I don’t know when this became cool, but if you take the tag off your clothes, why wouldn’t you take it off your hat?
  • Wear holiday-baseball hats. There are no holidays (but there is a Holliday) in baseball besides the All-Star Break.
  • Are you a hipster? No? No plaid. Is there a team that wears plaid? No.
  • No pink.

In example form: No. No. No. No. Maybe. Maybe. Yes.

Equipped with this knowledge, you can sally forth as the best-dressed baseball fan around. Even if you don’t actually know what you’re watching, you can certainly look like a long-term fan of whatever team you’re going to just by sticking to some easy rules. And after all, going to a ballgame is all about how you look. Right?

Categories : Whimsy

155 Comments»

  1. Xstar7 says:

    I’ve got a Jorge Posada jersey. No regrets

  2. Drew says:

    Nobody should ever wear a jersey that has a Yankees players name on the back. There should just be a 2 on the back of your jersey. It should not say Jeter on top if it, you just look stupid. I fall under the category of trendy I guess. I’ve been wearing my Hughes jersey to the park since 07. Though I will admit I went out and bought a 34 jersey when he changed his number in 08. Now it’s just a nice Burnett jersey. See that’s why you don’t get the players name above the number.

    • Pounder says:

      Agreed.

    • Ryan says:

      “I am trendy, and I’m going to tell people I had this jersey before the player in question got big.”

    • S says:

      the jerseys that don’t have the names are usually the official gear (thats $200 easy) not everyone has that kind of money

      • Dr. O says:

        So a customizer would charge LESS for a jersey with added work on their part? Interesting.

        • Cuso says:

          strange but true. i got a Mattingly pinstripe jersey as a gift that is one of my favorite things in the world. but i’ve never worn it in public because it has the name on the back too. i’m too embarrassed to wear it out.

    • Johnny says:

      Good point. Besides,a true Yanks jersey doesn’t have a name on it.

    • NYYSI Ross says:

      I came here to say this. Figured someone else already did. Completely agree.

    • Kiko Jones says:

      Wrong. What if I want to wear no. 20 in honor of Bucky and not Sado? Or 19 for Boone and not Ramiro Peña. How ’bout 30 for Willie Randolph and not Robertson? If it’s 2, 42 or any of the retired numbers, fine to go sans last name. Otherwise…

      • YankInGeorgia says:

        I wanted to honor Bill Dickey so I got a number 8 jersey and had “Not Yogi” embroidered above the number.

        J/K

        I have a 21 jersey with the name O’Neill on it and fie on anyone who doesn’t like it.

  3. SomethingEpic says:

    I can see where your coming from with this article and its funny, but unless you work for a fashion magazine or are a fashion mogul, I wouldn’t tell people what to wear. There is nothing wrong with any of those hats or a pink jersey (for a woman at least). Although I’m not a fan of people wearing crazy color jerseys or hats I would not mock them for it.

  4. Carl says:

    That’s such a hideous cap. Absolutely hideous. Then again, aren’t all customized caps with the Yankee logo that way?

  5. Fashion Mogul says:

    Hannah’s right. You shouldn’t be wearing any of that shit.

  6. The209 says:

    This post smacks of racism / elitism.

    • bakekrukow412 says:

      I hope you are joking.

    • Mike HC says:

      Yea, a little bit. But it is still funny and it is obviously a bit tongue in cheek.

    • Peter R says:

      Not sure where you got either of those things from.
      Is it racist to say don’t wear stickers on your hat because mostly young trendy African American’s do that? Pretty sure its just an opinion piece and in her opinion (and most everyone else) keeping the stickers on your hat means you just bought it for the game and are going to return it after…..so basically don’t do it.

      Not sure where you get elitist (though that is the new Tea Party favorite term for anyone with an opinion but somehow they forget to call themselves elitist…huh).

      Pretty sure it’s a joke. lighten up. Thanks.

      • Mike HC says:

        There was only one line that stood out to me, “If you’re going to wear a jersey you found on the internet for $20, at least try to find one that looks close to what your team actually wears.” And the general tone that the authentic, and more expensive stuff, is the only classy way to go to a baseball game.

        But as you noted, it is just a joke. Nothing to take personal at all. To be honest, I don’t think “the209″ is really offended. He is just starting shit for shits and giggles.

        • The209 says:

          Thank you, finally.

          Apparently Ben Kabak may or may not want to smack me upside the head on Twitter, however.

      • Ryan says:

        thats not the reason people leave the sticker on at all you racist. They leave it on because they like the way it looks, not to cheat stores.

        what a white person

  7. Craig says:

    Very entertaining. A couple of those hats should not be worn anywhere. Ever. I only have one disagreement. I don’t think you should HAVE to wear gear from the two teams playing in the game. I’ll go to a random game, say Padres @ Pirates for example. I don’t care anything about those two teams, I don’t have any Padres or Pirates on any of my fantasy teams, but I’m just going to enjoy a game. I have no problem wearing a Yankees jersey (authentic, no name on back btw) to let ppl know who my team is. I don’t think that should be a big deal.

    • Jorge says:

      I agree. I actually think it means “I am a visiting fan of another team. Thank you for letting me into your house. My team would still wipe its butt with yours.”

  8. Brian Paul says:

    Negate your entire section about Jerseys. If you wear a Yankee jersey with a name on the back, you shouldn’t be allowed in Yankee Stadium.

    Additionally, if you wear a Yankee jersey with YOUR name on the back, you shouldn’t be allowed in life.

  9. Steve H says:

    There is one benefit of people wearing pink to the ballpark (to Fenway at least) and that’s “Ask a pink hat”, which makes for fantastic radio.

  10. LGY says:

    Name on the back that big of a deal? I got a Rivera jersey…with Rivera on the back. Doesn’t look that bad…though I don’t think I’ll get a name on the back for whenever I get a road jersey cause they just look sexy :D

  11. Mike HC says:

    That was absolutely hysterical. Great job. I was cracking up throughout the entire thing. Really well done and you definitely nailed it.

  12. pete says:

    I think the plain cotton hats are good too.

    http://www.google.com/imgres?i.....38;bih=612

  13. yankees=warriors says:

    At first glance, I thought that was a picture of neurons!

  14. j-f says:

    Great article!

  15. Zack says:

    I laughed. Then looked at the comments and saw a few people take this personally or whatever, and laughed some more.

  16. Esteban says:

    I’m not a big fan of adults wearing jerseys to games. Are you playing in the game? No? Then you don’t need a jersey. A t-shirt or jacket can suffice to show your support.

    I’m only sort of joking.

  17. MattJ says:

    What about how we wear our gear? What are the rules when it comes to donning a hat backwards, sideways, or even inside-out, huh?

  18. Steve H says:

    Last night, Bruins hat, Flyers shirt. Jackass.

    http://boston.3432.voxcdn.com/.....AG0160.jpg

    • Kiersten says:

      I hope someone punched him.

      Honestly, it’s probably someone who hates New York. That, or he really is a Bruins fan but his gf is a Flyer’s fan so he had to wear the shirt.

  19. Dale Mohorcic says:

    I think the black on black hats are terrible.

  20. Steve Karsay says:

    I think the rule “You should only be wearing baseball attire of a team in your current ballpark. The lone exception to this is if you are sporting merchandise of a closely affiliated rival.” is utter NONSENSE.

    I reserve the right to wear my teams colors despite what ball park I’m in and which teams are playing.

    • David N says:

      I’m fine wearing a Yankees hat to any game, since I’m there in the capacity of a Yankees fan visiting another ballpark just for the love of the game. But I’ll leave the shirt or jersey for those times where the Yankees are actually playing – any more than one piece of attire does look weird when the team isn’t actually playing.

  21. Pat D says:

    I’ve never understood the whole leaving the sticker on the hat thing. A guy I used to work with had plenty of hats and left the stickers on all of them. Finally I just asked him why he did that. He said he didn’t know. So obviously it’s some kind of trendy thing.

    I think someone on this site once mentioned that it’s supposed to be a sign that the hat is “fresh,” but that doesn’t make any sense either. You can tell once a hat has been worn a few times.

    I have a small collection of hats, both current and Cooperstown Collection:
    Yankees
    Yankees 2009 World Series Champions
    Padres current (navy blue with white SD logo)
    Padres classic (brown and yellow ’70s-’80s style)
    Royals current
    Twins current (black with TC logo)
    Expos
    Brewers classic (glove logo with blue and yellow color)
    Mariners classic (blue with trident M logo)
    Pirates classic (’70s pillbox style yellow with black stripes)

    I’ve taken the stickers off all of them and I wear all of them on a rotating basis, except the Pirates hat because it doesn’t go with much. But you can tell that they’ve all been worn a few times. Because they’re meant to be worn.

  22. MikeD says:

    That hat is so hideous I think I need one. I mean, is that real, or Photoshopped?

    I don’t like pink caps on adults. The read specialty hats they have for Memorial Day and July 4th are even more annoying. The Yankees should NEVER wear red.

    I agree that the black-on-black are fine. I have one myself, although when I go to the park, I still wear the traditional.

  23. pat says:

    I bought a 5 dollar Berkman t shirt jersey after the playoff last year. I wear that ish with pride.

  24. RRRRRRandy says:

    Is it acceptable if I wear shirts like these to games?

    http://www.footballfanatics.co.....ge_T-shirt

    • 24fan says:

      Wear whatever you want, don’t let pricks who judge other people by their clothes determine how you dress.

  25. Monteroisdinero says:

    I read this while wearing my Trenton Thunder cap and feel pretty cool about it.

    Hannah is my kind of fashion gal!

  26. Pounder says:

    The irony here is that where ever you go,ballpark,movie,worksite,airport,etc, you see the cap of preference is a Yankee cap.Go to Dublin,Rome,London, Hong Kong, and what baseball cap is most prevalently being worn on the streets? The Yankee cap….with the interlocking NY.

    • The Oberamtmann says:

      There is a store in Strasbourg, France, which is supposedly Americana-type stuff. It’s basically crap with the American flag or the Confederate flag on it and crap (especially hats) with the Yankees logo on it. I went in. Not a single Boston item. Win!

  27. Ryan says:

    All I know is that this is the shirt i wear to every ballgame and I don’t care what anyone says about it!

    http://shop.mlb.com/product/in.....d=11325715

  28. Fusser says:

    Rule: Wear the hat straight, not sideways (Jeter doesn’t wear it sideways, and he’s more fashionable than most on this board).
    Rule: No inside out hats…”rally cap” wearing just sucks.

  29. Rob Thomsen's Chili Farts says:

    Honestly, any adult male wearing a baseball cap is embarrassing to see, unless they are playing on a professional team (during a game). Stop pretending you’re on the team. It looks silly.
    Do NFL fans wear helmets in their everyday lives?

  30. Stacey says:

    Weirdest thing I ever saw was a guy wearing a NY Rangers jersey and a Red Sox hat to a Yankees-Mets game. Who does that?

  31. Greg Golson's Laser Rocket Arm says:

    Also, you should never wear a jersey of a player that doesn’t even play the same sport, like an NFL jersey at a Yankees game

    • Ryan says:

      i disagree. I have no problem with, for example, someone wearing a bruins jersey to a red sox game while the bruins are playing in the playoffs.

    • H to the ISO says:

      I disagree with that. If I am going to a Met game I will probably wear my Knick hat and Knick shirt/jersey. I own no Met stuff nor ever will so might as well go with the color scheme.

  32. jorge brosada says:

    What category of jerseys would Cano and Arod fall under?

  33. bexarama says:

    Personal rule: if you call it a “shirsey” I will stab you.

  34. Sam says:

    I wore a Pavano t shirt to one of his rehab starts in Trenton a few years ago. I feel like that might be the only situation where Pavano gear would be acceptable

  35. AnthonyD says:

    I hate when I’m at a Giants or Knicks game and see people wearing beat up old Frye or Dayne jerseys. You’re at the game. Wanna show how big of a fan you are? Drink a couple less beers and buy the replica of a current player. This doesn’t happen as much with the Yankees – Povano being an exception as players that have left e.g. Damon made meaningful contributions and aren’t turds.

    Also the replica jerseys are about $100 and the authentics are about $200 Buy a Rivera authentic if you’re so concerned about price, you’ll have it for the next 50 years. They should set the replicas on fire or send them to Africa with the Patriots undefeated season hats.

  36. Chris A says:

    No names on the back of your jersey!!! I hate seeing replica jerseys with the name of the player on them. The Yanks don’t do it and neither should you.

  37. Randy A. says:

    What do my Raul Mondesi, Bubba Crosby, and Flash Gordon t-shirts count as?

  38. mike c says:

    perfect timing, I just got a brand new authentic mattingly jersey for my birthday, woop woop

  39. Duder says:

    Some people look good at the ballpark in pink. These people are called hot chicks.

    Some people leave the sticker on their cap. These people are blacks and latinos.

    • Jerome S. says:

      Yeah, but I live here in ethnically homogenous New Fairfield, CT, and every 17-year old white kid with a dad on Wall Street making 200 thousand a year wears his flat-brimmed hat sideways with the sticker still on.
      WTF.

  40. greg says:

    Vintage Norwich Navigators cap on my head as I type this…what’s the feeling in here about sleeve patches on your Yankees jersey (NNOB)?

  41. A-Rod's Wingman says:

    A few small quibbles (yes I know it’s a joke) the pink hats are okay on mother’s day since it’s to raise breast cancer awareness and the holiday American Flag hats are okay on the Fourth of July (for celebratory reasons), Veterans Day (out of respect), and September Eleventh (for different reasons).

  42. jimmyg says:

    I have 2 jerseys: a home Rivera #42 jersey I got for xmas last yr and an away Mantle #7 jersey I bought in 2003 at Stan’s on River Ave before a Rays-Yankees game. No names on the back and they are just like they wear out on the field. Names on the backs of Yankees jerseys are a big petpeeve for me.

  43. The people who wear the ugly hats just do it for attention. I sometimes like the different hats because it doesn’t look like every other person’s hat in the stadium.

  44. Kiersten says:

    I love this post so much.

  45. Kiersten says:

    Also, don’t wear hats of teams you’re not a fan of. Biggest pet peeve.

    The other night I was at a bar and there was a guy in a Cubs hat so I started with him “haha Cubs suck” and he was like “oh, I’m a Braves fan, I hate the fucking Cubs.” THEN WHY ARE YOU WEARING THE HAT???

    • thurdonpaul says:

      maybe just to piss you off :)

      • Jonathan says:

        I played baseball with a kid that had a hat of every single MLB team. And he claimed to be a Royals/Red Sox fan. We’d call him AL Central or NL West or some other division name since he’d wear the hats in a row by division.

        • Pat D says:

          I guess I could see that. Maybe he’s just a fan of baseball in general. Though Royals/Red Sox is a weird combination and I can’t see any Red Sox fan touching a Yankees hat.

          Except to burn it or defecate on it.

    • Pat D says:

      As I said earlier, I have the ’80′s Mariners hat with the trident M logo. Yet the Mariners are one of the teams I dislike the most.

      Why do I wear the hat? Well, I recall liking the Mariners in the ’80′s (always liked Alvin Davis and Mark Langston), and I just like the cap.

      One of these days I intend to get the ’80′s White Sox hat that’s red, white and blue and just says “SOX,” and if I can ever find it the early ’90′s Angels hats like they wore last night. I don’t like either of those teams now, but I liked them at those times.

      Also, for some weird reason, a part of me feels like I should own a Brooklyn Dodgers hat. Yet I’ve never really cared for the Dodgers.

      So I guess I violate your rule.

  46. Mister D says:

    Thoughts on the Memorial Day/4th of July caps the players wear? I disliked the red design, but am rather fond of the white hat.

    And I’m curious what my jersey says about me. I finally bought one a year ago, and chose #14 for Lou Piniella, not Curtis Granderson.

  47. Jonathan says:

    I’m a hetero male and I still loved this article. There are no names on our jerseys. Our fans (mostly) are smart enough and our players are big time enough that we know what number belongs to each and every player. The ONLY time I didn’t know the player’s name was on a guy wearing a Kei Igawa #29 jersey. And he wasn’t Japanese so I assume a homeless guy paid him 5 bucks to take it.

    I love this. There is only one Yankee hat. I actually have my dad’s hat from 1969. It is badass but 100% unwearable for an entire game. It’s all one size fits all stretch fit and itchy wool. Besides something sweet like an old old school hat, the only excuse for not wearing a plain, official navy with a white interlocking NY with zero fucking stickers (and only 100% frontwards or backwards) is if you’re wearing a plain, official navy with a white interlocking NY hat with a WS patch. And not one of those lame retro WS hats that don’t even have the right logos. Either you were fan of the team enough to have a WS hat when they went or you weren’t. Simple as that.

  48. RubaDoob says:

    my dad got me a authentic replica lou gehrig jersey for x-mas a while back, no name just number and i wore it to a yankee/phils game and was asked who it was and why there was no name….

  49. Hurling Darvish says:

    I definitely prefer the traditional, albeit expensive jerseys without the name on the back. Real fans know who number 2, 13, 7, etc are.

    But I do really like the pink hats on girls, with the plastic adjusatment thingy to pull their ponytails through. I’m a guy but my family is dominated by females and I have given away at least a dozen of those pink hats and everyone loves them, from my 75 yr old mom to my young girl relatives. There are a bunch of cute girls wearing them in Japan thanks to me. The hats are cute and are OK for the casual fan.

  50. Bryan L says:

    Honestly I think no one over age 15 should wear jerseys, but that’s just me…

  51. Rahsaan says:

    For the prices these ballparks charge for tix and for food…I’ll wear what I want.

  52. Kit says:

    Hannah, this was awesome. Laughed a lot and agreed with all of it. Really fun read.

  53. greg says:

    What per cent of fans at a home game wear Yankees jerseys? I’m guessing around 15%

  54. Bella Foxx says:

    I wear my Rob Thomas hat to baseball games. I have a picture to prove it.

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