Nov
09

Cashman’s Offseason Blueprint Revealed

By

RIVER AVENUE BLUES EXCLUSIVE!

Late last night we acquired copies of New York Yankee General Manager Brian Cashman‘s private and confidential 2011-’12 offseason plan. The content of these highly-sensitive documents have never made public before now. Many Bothans died to bring us this information.

(click images to enlarge)

As you can plainly see, Cashman has a solid plan in place, and if he’s successful in its execution, the Yankees seem likely to win at least 145 games in 2012. In fairness, I don’t give this blueprint better than a 25% chance of happening, but if confirmation was ever needed on just how wily Cashman is, mission accomplished. He can plan my castle onslaught any day.

Oh, and don’t forget to follow me on Twitter, every 10th follower wins an iPad!

Categories : Whimsy

60 Comments»

  1. Elan says:

    I WISH this was real!

  2. Jake says:

    Well played, Mauer.

  3. MattG says:

    Swisher-for-Cain is oddly out of place as something that might happen. It would be Swisher+more-for-Cain, but, depending on the more, both teams might have interest in that. Swisher & Nunez? I expect SF would rather see if they can land Beltran, but if he signs elsewhere, wouldn’t this be of interest to the Giants?

    I know, my trade proposal sucks.

    • MannyGeee says:

      (in this example, ‘+ more’ = Montero)

      still interested?

    • JobaWockeeZ says:

      So we trade Swisher for what would be a number three starter in the AL East.

      I could live with it for a year then go after Upton or Kemp. Or they coudl get Cain and Beltran which would be epic.

      • Ted Nelson says:

        What basis do you have for calling Cain a #3 in the AL East? The #3s in the AL East last season were effectively Bartolo Colon/Ivan Nova/Freddy Garcia, Lackey, Niemann, and Alfredo Simon. You are SERIOUSLY overestimating the pitching talent in the AL East.

        The most “epic” thing about Beltran is his injury risk.

      • David, Jr. says:

        Cain – #3 starter in AL East.

        Gonzalez – Too many walks.

        Buehrle – Not enough strikeouts.

        Darvish – Japanese. Enough said.

        Edwin Jackson – Mediocre. Another AJ.

        Wilson – Too much money. Really about a #3 starter.

        I guess we are holding out for Walter Johnson or Sandy Koufax?

      • Craig Maduro says:

        I’d feel comfortable with Matt Cain as a No. 2 on the Yanks. I still don’t want the Yankees to deal Montero for him, but he’s more qualified to be a No. 2 than Mark Buehrle.

    • Ted Nelson says:

      No, I honestly doubt the Giants would be interested.

      Maybe his low AVG and post-season struggles align against him, but Swisher very well might be in-line for a Werth/Bay type payday going into his 32 year old season (Bay was going into 31; Werth, 32).

      Cain is in-line for a payday, but when he’s going into his 28 year old season.

      Asides from just keeping Cain, the Giants can look for younger, cheaper talent in return for Cain.

      Perhaps they really love Swisher (and they do seem to love old guys and paying a steep price for offense), but I think the chances of that deal are pretty slim given that they can just keep Cain or look for another offer with Cain coming off a career year.

      So, guess it depends on what the “+ more” is.

      • JobaWockeeZ says:

        Swisher never had a season coming close to 5 WAR. His best season is in the low 4s. If Swisher gets a Werth or Bay contract that team is overspending consdiering that Bay and Werth are failing.

        He won’t touch those two.

        • Ted Nelson says:

          My point was not that Nick Swisher will get paid as much as those two, it’s that he will get paid and it might be in the neighborhood of those two. He’s consistently been at 4 fWAR, and still has a full season before free agency. If he gets his lefty swing together maybe he has a career year going into free agency.

          My main point was that I do not think the Giants will trade Cain for Swisher. By pointing out his faults, you’ve strengthened that point.

      • MattG says:

        This response shows a lack of understanding regarding the terms of their contracts. As both players have one year left on their deal, their ages are entirely irrelevant, unless either team feels age is a factor in a very sudden decline. What Swisher might earn in a future contract is equally irrelevant.

        Trade Cain for younger talent? He has one year left on his deal. You’re not going to get a player with a similar WAR and multiple years of control. You can get a similar WAR, or multiple years of control, but not both.

        If SF believes they can’t resign Cain, they whiff on the FA OF market, AND they feel they can afford to trade a starting pitcher, then Swisher/Nunez does make sense for them. You’ve helped me decide: my trade offer does not suck at all.

        That said, as I think of it further, it wouldn’t work for PR reasons. Guys with low BAs, that work the count, and play adequate defense (but look bad doing it) aren’t sexy. Drafting and developing your own #2 starting pitcher is. Unless Cain comes out and says he wants a Zito contract, this is too tough a sell for the fan base.

        • Ted Nelson says:

          Listen, you asked if the Giants would go for that deal. I gave you my opinion: no. You don’t have to get all defensive and act like you know more than other people. I am well aware of their contracts, I am not an idiot, and I disagree with you. Reasonable people can disagree.

          There is no way to prove either side of this argument unless the trade actually happens. Otherwise it’s all conjecture. I personally do not think the Giants would go for that deal.

          If I were the Giants, I would not go for that deal. If the Yankees had Matt Cain I would not trade him for Swisher, and I highly doubt you would either. It’s not a good trade.

          I find it ironic that you criticize my understanding of player value given your comment above.

          “As both players have one year left on their deal, their ages are entirely irrelevant, unless either team feels age is a factor in a very sudden decline.”

          No. That’s just not true. Totally.

          The Giants can and probably will re-sign Cain. They can do it this off-season. There’s no reason to look at a young ace as only having one year left, unless you don’t want to re-sign him or have reached out and been re-buffed. He’s a long-term piece on that team. They’re a big market team a year removed from the WS.

          Even if they have no intent of re-signing him, they can look elsewhere to find a team that does intend to re-sign him and get better value than Swisher (or what I consider to be better value, and I like Swisher). When the Yankees told the Rockies they would not meet their demands of two top prospects, they didn’t just fold. They sent Ubaldo to Cleveland. Same with the Yankees not meeting the other team’s demands on Lee, Halladay, Greinke, etc. They just found other teams that offered what they thought was more value.

          “What Swisher might earn in a future contract is equally irrelevant.”

          No. It’s not. They are trading a young ace for him. Not only for they have to consider Cain’s value vs. his, they also have to consider Swisher’s value vs. other packages they can get. Swisher is either gone or expensive in a year. That absolutely impacts his value. Saying otherwise contradicts your first ridiculous point about the Giants viewing Cain as a one-year guy.

          “You can get a similar WAR, or multiple years of control, but not both.”

          This flies in the face of reality. You get younger talent that is further away, therefore having more risk but also more reward. It’s how the majority of MLB trades go down.

          “You’ve helped me decide: my trade offer does not suck at all.”

          Again, dude, in my opinion it does suck. If Cain were a Yankee, would you trade him for Swisher?

          “it wouldn’t work for PR reasons”

          It wouldn’t work because Cain is more valuable long-term than Cain and because they can probably get a more valuable long-term offer for Cain than Swisher. The guy is a young ace. Teams will pay (prospects and $) for that.

          • Plank says:

            Ted, don’t waste your time. He’s talking about trading Swisher for Cain. You don’t need to dissect it. It’s like a ridiculous fractal. It is ridiculous from afar and no matter how much you look into it, it will always be equally ridiculous.

        • Sabes says:

          SF already traded Sanchez, and for all the talk about the tremendous surplus of pitching San Francisco has, they currently have Surkamp and Zito battling for the 5 spot…. trade away Cain and those two are both in the rotation with Vogelson as the #3 pitcher and zero depth in the minors (they have noone close to ML ready)

          SF will have to be blown away by an offer to deal Cain… there best bet for competing is on the back of their starting pitcher and a guy like Cain is much more likely to carry them than a bat in the lineup should they get to the playoffs.

          • MattG says:

            I think you understate their pitching depth, but you are not understating their high-end pitching depth. I am convinced, they will not want to trade Cain unless they are out of contention in 2012.

  4. TogaSean says:

    “Improve rotation- for real this time” – LOL

  5. Plank says:

    The only thing that sticks out to me as unrealistic is the spelling of Cashman’s middle name. MgGuire?

  6. Monteroisdinero says:

    O’Grady and Montero to the HOF. The former for his wit, the latter for how he will hit.

  7. XCLNT Yanks Fan says:

    This is hilarious…I appreciate a sense of humor, though I suspect that many of us in Yankeeland wish that at least some of these ideas might see some daylight somewhere.

  8. tbord says:

    Dear Brian – As GM of the most lauded baseball organization on earth, it comes as a bit of a surprise that you do not have a computer. As such, I am shipping my old Gateway 386 to Gate 1 at Yankee Stadium. If you need lessons, contact Theo Epstein.

  9. FL Yankee says:

    “Many Bothans died to bring us this information.”

    Thank you for this.

  10. bklyn says:

    You are officially my new favorite writer. Keep it coming!!!

    I’m getting a little burned out with the statistical analysis of everything. I need a laugh after a hard day at work, or even a 10am break while at work.

  11. Jose M. Vazquez.. says:

    I have read blogs and opinions that have made my day before. Surely this is one of the best. I do hope you bring more of the same in the future.

  12. Jumpin' Jack Swisher says:

    How many people will actually seriously think this should be the blueprint?

    No reference to “I wonder what Sergio Mitre is up to right now” = false document.

  13. Sean C. says:

    I really feel like Javy 3.0 will be a success. Banuelos for Javy, straight up, should get it done.

  14. NEPA Yankee says:

    I think there may be a page missing. Somewhere on that list should be: Let Mitre walk, re-aquire Mitre, relaease Mitre, bring back Mitre for playoff run

  15. Thomas says:

    After reading this, my first thoughts were:

    11.Do not post false breaking news. This is a zero tolerance item. You will be banned immediately if you are caught making up information. Breaking news should be emailed to one or all of use so we can start a thread with a new post.

    http://riveraveblues.com/about.....uidelines/

    Luckily this is a full post and not a comment, otherwise you would be banned and we would all lose out.

  16. LarryM.,Fl. says:

    I appreciate your efforts Mr.O’Grady at humor. I know it took sometime to put this together. But in your attempt it does disclose some reality. We will know more on how much of your humor is not humor in the coming months.

  17. I could go for a nice MLT, where the mutton is nice and lean…

  18. Guns of the Navarone says:

    C ashman
    R ules
    E verything
    A round
    M e

    That made me spit up my morning juice box.

  19. Craig Maduro says:

    Speaking of Matt Cain, does the Jonathan Sanchez trade preclude any chance of the Giants moving Cain? I’d investigate this myself, but can’t at the moment so I’d love some insight from the Yankee Universe.

    • Sarah says:

      I suppose anything is possible, but I’d think yes, the Giants won’t move Cain. They don’t have anyone to take his place in the rotation.

      Of course, I never thought the Giants would move Cain anyways.

  20. Juke Early says:

    You can’t fool me — this was all stolen from listening to WFAN callers. ;-)

    AND yeah, I wish it was true too. Since even that dream 2012 team would still have to play the games & win, nothing is a sure thing. What would be a sure thing — the look on the faces of all those drunk morons in Southie.

  21. Jesse says:

    Boy, I sure hope I win that iPad!

    All kidding aside, great piece. Made my gloomy day a little better.

  22. 28 this year says:

    hmmm, no one asked anything about the ipad. if only that were real.

  23. Edd Kick says:

    I hope BC has a funny bone

  24. You had me at “Many Bothans died to bring us this information.”

  25. PBFog says:

    Can i follow, unfollow, and follow again until i win an ipad???

    • J.R. O'Grady says:

      Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by you, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if – and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy: [grabs a magnifying glass and reads] I, PBFog, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera… Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera… Memo bis punitor delicatum! It’s all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!

      • Irritated 50 yr old fan says:

        this kind of stupid, silly writing is disgracefulrefreshing. o’grady, eh? i see we have some drunk leprechaun really talented writers now

  26. Dear Dad (at least I think he is),

    Where’s your sense of humor? Stop being a curmudgeon and change the filthy oil to my go-kart and after you’re done, get me some shark fruit snacks and a pair of AA Energizer batteries for the remote. NOW… you behemoth slob!

    Love,

    Your Son XoXoXoXo <3 <3

  27. Oh, good work JR — I enjoyed it.

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