Pitching mismanagement

Pitcher A (MLB): 26 IP, 24 H, 21 ER, 20 BB, 13 K, 7.27 ERA
Pitcher B (AAA): 23 IP, 20 H, 2 ER, 9 BB, 26 K, 0.78 ERA

How many innings does it take to get Chris Britton into Luis Vizcaino’s role? Is there some magic point at which Vizcaino turns from pumpkin to princess? The season ain’t gettin’ any younger.

Yankees should take a note from Mark Grace

Mike alluded to this earlier, but I think we could use some clarification.

What the Yankees need right now is a slumpbuster. What, you ask, is a slumpbuster? Well, I’ll let my pal Urban Dictionary explain it:

Baseball players believe that by having sex with an unattractive female, they can end their slump. Therfore a slump buster is the unattractive female that they have sex with, in hopes of busting their slump.

Manny Ramirez told Pedro Martinez that the reason why he’s been hitting so many homeruns lately, is because he hooked up with a lot of slump busters when he was in a slump.

See, A-Rod, you got it all wrong. You can’t be bangin’ hot blonds on the road. You gotta jump on a grenade. May I suggest:
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Dreadful last seven days

I guess this will perfectly illustrate the team’s troubles:

Posada: 286/286/381
Jeter: 280/308/400
Minky: 278/316/500
Cano: 250/250/333
Matsui: 250/280/542
Damon: 235/316/294
Giambi: 222/300/389
Alex: 182/280/409
Melky: 182/286/182
Abreu: 143/280/143

And our pitching:

Pettitte: 14.1 IP, 2 ER
Mussina: 6.1 IP, 2 ER
Wang: 8 IP, 3 ER
Clippard: 4 IP, 3 ER
DeSalvo: 4.2 IP, 6 ER
Vizcaino: 2.1 IP, 4 ER
Villone: 3 IP, 4 ER
Proctor: 1.2 IP, 2 ER
Farns: 2 IP, 2 ER
Rivera: 2 IP, 0 ER
Bruney: 1.2 IP, 0 ER
Myers: 2 IP 0 ER

So you can see exactly where the problems are.

A-rod fiddles (around) as Rome burns

Well, by now, you’ve probably heard about The Post’s bombshell of a cover story this morning. Alex Rodriguez, the wealthiest man on the Yanks, is fooling around while the Yanks are on the road.

Surprise. I bet this never happens to any other Major League Baseball player ever. I’m sure Jason Giambi and Derek Jeter don’t have girlfriends in every American League city.

But, of course, since this A-Rod and since A-Rod can’t seem to cut a break around here, Alex is the one who gets caught by the paparazzi and The Post is the only paper around town to print the photos and call the story an “Exclusive.”

Here’s what The Post has to report:

Yankees superstar Alex Rodriguez stepped up to the plate with a mysterious, busty blonde in Toronto, as these intimate, exclusive photos reveal.

The cozy duo dined with two pals at a pricey steakhouse late Sunday night, then headed to a glitzy strip club before making their way to his hotel, where the pair ducked into an elevator and headed upstairs just after midnight.

In his own defense, A-Rod apologized for the indiscretion. No, wait. Just kidding.

In his own defense, A-Rod said, “No comment.” And a Yankee spokesman said that Alex has “never commented on his personal or private life, and he’s not going to start now.”

While we must consider the source – The Post relies here on numerous people simply referred to as “witnesses” – the article implies that A-Rod doesn’t stay at the team hotel on the road, cheats on his wife, gets caught and then goes 0-for-3 while making a costly error.

Just when I think the season can’t get any worse – a steal of home plate?! – it does. The 2007 Yankees will never cease to amaze me.