Mar
13

Report: Trouble brewing for Bernie

By Benjamin Kabak

As swan songs go, Bernie Williams’ efforts in the WBC haven’t been what he wanted. While he was internationally walked a few days ago, his play in the field and on the base paths nearly cost Puerto Rico a key game against the upstart Netherlands team. Now, a woman in Puerto Rico has filed a complaint against Williams, alleging that the former Yankee hit her and took her camera while at a nightclub early Thursday morning. Police are investigating, and I hope they find evidence to clear Bernie. He was always one of my favorites, and I’d hate to see him go out like this.

Posted on Friday, March 13th, 2009 at 9:30 am in Asides.

RSS feed | Trackback URI

76 Comments »

That’s not going to help his album sales.

Joe R says:

Sure it will. It gives him street cred.

KW says:

Can you imagine if Bernie starting dropping mix-tapes?

Mike Pop says:
Ryan S. says:

God dammit I still can’t figure out what “IETC” means. Can someone cure my ignorance?

Joseph P. says:

I enjoyed this comment.

A.D. says:

I think typing it out is better, really shows one cares.

(Comments wont nest below this level)
Chris says:

It all depends on how much you enjoyed the comment.

 
Ryan S. says:

In my opinion, if you didn’t enjoy the comment enough to write out the complete sentence in the first place, its not worth noting.

 

“In my opinion, if you didn’t enjoy the comment enough to write out the complete sentence in the first place, its not worth noting.”

IDNETC

 
 
 
Mike Pop says:

I enjoyed this comment.

There is also this one right here.

RSIAIB.

Ryan S. is an ignorant bastard.

So that will clear up confusion for the next time you see one of those.

Ryan S. says:

Yes, something tells me that RSIAIB will become a popular one. I’m a huge fan of self-degradation so bring on the humble pie.

(Comments wont nest below this level)
Mike Pop says:

Heh. Just being an ass.

 
Ryan S. says:

Haha I know buddy, its all good. Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to return the favor once football season starts up again.

 
Mike Pop says:

Hah. It will be the other way around.

 
Ryan S. says:

Hey how did you feel about T.O. getting released? I think it was the right move by the Boys.

 
Mike Pop says:

Not a big deal to me. I shed a tear or two at first but now I don’t care too much. Even though he is a dick, I’ve always been a TO fan. Whatever, I like Austin and want to see what Hurd can do. Miles Austin—Looks like A-Rod.

http://cache.deadspin.com/asse.....nSmile.jpg

 

All of this could easily be cleared up if we just posted the damn RAB Glossary/Compendium.

IETC
ICWUDT
B-Jobber
Varitekian
Ponsnerian
Nails Krzyzewski
Gritt Gritner
Hacky McHeadfirstslide
Phil Hughes is not Chinese
My posts are pretty much for the intelligent fans
You can’t make lemons with lemonade
Pencilnecked little beancounter
Creepy and effeminate
Austin Jackson is uninspiring
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BURRITO TAKING THIS LONG TO COOK IN THIS MICROWAVE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
I saw it with my own eyes
Olney thinks he’d be a good fit
The Cashman Hate Template
It’s a game of skill, deception, honor and deceit.
CASHMAN YOU THE SUX0R!!!!!1!!!11!!!
Alex Cora wins ballgames
Clearly, that’s a shot at Jeter

What did I leave out?

 
Ryan S. says:

HAH you’re kinda right. Yeah Miles Austin has some potential … and you just gotta help Roy Williams hasn’t lost his (potential, that is.) Jason Garrett is the dude that needs to turn it around, more than any actual player.

 

+
Bernie Williams was the most feared hitter of his generation

 
Ryan S. says:

TSJC: there’s got to be some kind of Gammons-related meme out there, right?

 

Ah, yes, my old:

“For Diamond Cutters, I’m Peter Gammons, ESPN.”

 
Ryan S. says:

Also, don’t forget the sabermetric memes like:

-Backup your statements with statistics and analysis

-Go make love to your spreadsheets, nerd!

 
Matt says:

Bernie Williams was the most feared hitter of his generation

Well based on this report…

 

Oh, and:

“Mo it is written, Mo it shall be done, Mosanna, Mosanna, Mosanna in the highest”

And we’ve got to do something for Melvin Croussett. My favorite Melvin line ever was:

“Melvin took steroids once. They made him weaker.”

 
 
Ryan S. says:

and we can’t leave out the most important thing that exists in baseball:

TEH 8TH INNING!!!1!1ONE!!!ELEVENTY111!!!

 
 
Ryan S. says:

:::head explode:::

Also, that awesome Mike Mussina facepalm pic.

 
Ryan S. says:

“_____ says hello”

 
A.D. says:

You missed Lohudian

 
 
Matt says:

Ridiculous Upside.
Gamer.
Gardbrera/Cabretta.
Gardson.
Jacksner.

 

Personally, A.D., I prefer the noun “LoHuddite” over the adjective “LoHuddian”, because it more closely resembles the noun “Luddite”, meaning “one who opposes technical or technological change”.

Just my two cents.

Oh, and:
“Let me Google that for you”

———–

Keep ‘em coming, people!

 
Matt says:

Instant Rimshot
Instant Crickets

 
Ben K. says:

[Insert "keep comments on topic" rant here.]

It fits this thread in more ways than one.

 
A.D. says:
 
A.D. says:
 

[Insert "keep comments on topic" rant here.]
It fits this thread in more ways than one.

Touché.

AD – I don’t remember the circle of trust meme. Fill me in?
(That’s what SHE said!)

 
A.D. says:

The “Circle of Trust” is a reference to those relievers that Joe Torre would actually bring out of the bullpen (also referred to as “Torre Guys”), regardless of how many innings they’ve actually worked, or if its logical to do so.

 
jsbrendog says:

please use the replt to comment button on the right. it makes the whole conversaiton easier to follow and mroe fluid

h/t to mondesi

 
jsbrendog says:

to the cirlce of trust thing came QuanGorMo did it not?

 
Ryan S. says:

The 4 Rings Club

 
jsbrendog says:

just make a thread where we can list them and make our own compendium or glossary of RAB terms

 
Ryan S. says:

One of the more undervalued memes IMO:

I’d do that in a cocaine heartbeat.

 

Gotcha.

Yes, JSB, Mondesi’s reply line should be in the Glossary as well, as should Jack’s screencap of the reply button. Anyone have a link to that? All I can find is the old one:
http://i435.photobucket.com/al.....Button.jpg

 

just make a thread where we can list them and make our own compendium or glossary of RAB terms

That might be a good idea, then we can democratically decide on the exact wordings and definitions…

 
Ben K. says:

Democracy? Who said anything about running a democracy?

I think we’ve been accused of being socialist. So yeah. We’re socialist.

 

That’s right, the socialist meme. The classic “Mike/Ben/Joe is restricting my annoying dialogue by making me adhere to their posted commenting guidelines, hence, they’re the Soviet Politburo!!!” Never gets old.

That made me think of our boy Robert Goulet, remember him? Didn’t he get banned for saying some off the wall personal attacks against one of you guys? Peruse if you don’t.

http://riveraveblues.com/2009/.....ent-255154

(Bonus points for the “Fantasy Football Name Drop” meme making an appearance in that thread…)

 
Ryan S. says:

TSJC, I think you got this one from a Jim Carrey movie, right?

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP

Or however the fuck you’d spell it.

 

BEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU-
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!

http://www.funnyordie.com/vide.....n-burgundy

 
jsbrendog says:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafternoon delight.

yeah i got some paperwork i gotta go take care of….

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
A.D. says:

Weird thing for Bernie to do, unless that picture was particularly damning.

Jeremy says:

He must have been roiding up at the time. Trying to make a comeback, Kenny Powers style.

 
 
Will says:

From the sound of things, it appears as if Bernie may have pushed an invasive camera aside and made contact with the woman. If so, it really doesn’t strike me as a big deal, nor do I think it will impact Bernie’s legacy in any way.

 
Jeremy says:

There goes Bernie, drawing attention to himself again. The Yankees will be better off without him this April.

A.D. says:

Cancer for the Puerto Rico team!!!1!!

Ryan S. says:

Seriously. I bet he taught Manny and A-Rod everything they know.

Too bad he didn’t teach them how to be a “feared” hitter like he was.

DAMN! Forgot to add that one to the Glossary list. One sec, lemme scroll up…

 
 
 
 
dane bramage says:

I don’t believe it.

 
Bo says:

Go out like this? He retired years ago

Ryan S. says:

Nope. Bernie never officially retired.

 
 
steve (different one) says:
Mike Pop says:

I agree, Steve. This is news? All Yankees beat up women.

steve (different one) says:

except for Sabathia. he is too exhausted from his previous workload to raise his arm. it was proven by his poor spring training outing.

Joseph P. says:

John Harper isn’t getting nearly enough shit for that column.

Ryan S. says:

The more that traditional sports reporters try to make up sensationalist BS to sell more papers, the more they lose their credibility. Its a vicious cycle and as more and more of the younger generations find alternative news sources that bring up a much more fair and balanced view point, the more no one will give a rat’s ass about what guys like John Harper have to say.

 
Matt says:

The second line of that article:

Getting smacked around in early March is practically a rite of spring for veteran pitchers, and hardly cause for concern.

As soon as I read that I thought: “Yep. So why are you writing this, Harper?” and stopped reading.

“Getting smacked around in early March is practically a rite of spring for veteran pitchers, and hardly cause for concern. But, I’ve got an 800 word count quota to fill and I’m too thickheaded and unimaginative to think of a real baseball story to talk about and too clueless to actually analyze anything intelligently, so buckle yourself in while I waste the next 7 to 14 minutes of your life, depending on your reading speed.”

 
 
 
 

That is a shot at Derek Jeter.

 
 
 
jsbrendog says:

well at least bernie is still winning hitting titles.

 
pat says:

DOES BERNIE WILLIAMS HAVE TO CHOKE A BITCH?!?!?!

 
 
 
Jeremy says:
 
Name (required)
E-mail (required - never shown publicly)
URI
Your Comment (smaller size | larger size)

You may use <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong> in your comment.

If this is your first time commenting on River Ave. Blues, please review the RAB Commenter Guidelines.

Trackback responses to this post