Should of kept

The most important part of being a fan is to constantly second-guess the decisions your team makes. If you don’t belittle your team’s management for every mistake they make, they’re going to think you didn’t notice. And if they think you didn’t notice, then they’re going to pull a Robbie Cano (get lazy) and just assume that you have their back in good times and bad. But that’s not what being a fan’s all about, and that’s why it is so important to let your team know that you’re willing to switch allegiance to another team at the drop of the hat. The Phillies didn’t cheap out on Cliff Lee, maybe I should root for them. The Royals have a lot of prospects, maybe it’s time to get on that bandwagon! And so on. Phillies fan FanSince09’s guide to being a Real Fan at Citizen’s Bank Park has all you need to know on this. The lessons are timeless and teamless, you guys.

In order to assist us all in our quest to become better fans, I’ve assembled a list of all the players the Yankees should of kept over the past decade, and a few they shouldn’t of kept! The links in the player names aren’t just Baseball Reference player pages, they’ll take you to box scores that document how foolhardy the Yankees have been, like evidence on CSI. Be sure to print this list out and take it with you to Yankee Stadium so you can remember all the reasons why you’re booing the team as they squander another game and slide towards last place. In fact, go ahead and make copies to hand out to your fellow box or luxury suite-mates, for a conversation starter over wine coolers and ceviche (5th inning snack). We’ll kick this party off right after the jump. Hope you have some Pepto handy…

Should of kept Melky. One of the best centerfielders in baseball and Cano’s True Friend. The Yankees never appreciated his talent and then they callously threw him away.

Should of kept Wilson Betemit. Wilson is singlehandedly forcing the Royals to consider keeping him over Moustakas. If the Yankees had him as their backup infielder they’d probably be 30-10. Meanwhile, Eric Chavez just shattered his femur on his way to his ballet lesson. Smart call, Cash.

Should of kept Mark Melancon. Heir to Mariano is now the Heir to Lyon. Great. Great.

Should of kept Lance Berkman. He is the leading National League MVP candidate and if the Yankees would of kept him then Pettitte probably would of come back.

Should of kept Austin Jackson. See: should of kept Melky. Jackson is even a bit more athletic and fast than Melky, as athletic and fast as Curtis Granderson or Robbie Cano. Imagine having him at the top of the lineup! Should of kept.

Should of kept Ian Kennedy. Early National League Cy Young favorite while the Yankees trot out Sweaty Freddy and the Junkball every five days. Pardon me while I puke.

Should of gotten a better return for Gary Sheffield. Probably could of gotten Verlander if they had just asked. Now we’ll probably never have Verlander. This is Cliff Lee all over again, you guys.

Should of kept Tyler Clippard. Another Heir to Mariano pitches another team to victory while RafaSori sits on the Disabled List using gold bars for toilet paper. Sick of this.

Should of kept John Axford. Um, 24 saves last year. Need I say more?

Should of traded for Cliff Lee. We’d still be picking confetti out of our hair from the Canyon of Heroes parade if the Yankees would of traded for Lee. Enjoy Nunez, Cashman.

Should of kept Arodys Vizcaino. He’d probably be our 2nd starter right now.

Should of kept Kyle Farnsworth. Best closer in the division.

Should of signed Cliff Lee. Oh no, Yankees, I don’t need a 28th title. I’m just a dumb fan content with 27. Feel free to keep your precious hundreds of millions of dollars while the Phillies lock up the next ten World Series titles.

Should of kept Jose Molina. If the Yankees would of kept Molina they could of traded Montero for Felix and the Yankees would be ten games up on Boston.

Should of kept Johnny Damon. World Series wins since Johnny Damon left: 0.

Should of kept Jerry Hairston, Jr. Everyone remembers the play in the ALCS where Maicer Izturis made that error and Hairston came sliding into home for the walkoff. It was glorious. What they don’t remember is what happened afterwards. Hairston was hanging out with his parents at the World Series parade, just soakin’ it all in, lovin’ life. The fans were chanting “Jerry! Jerry!” and his parents were getting misty-eyed thinking about the sacrifices they made so that Jerry could become a major leaguer. And then Cashman walked right up to him and said, and I quote, “Take a hike, chump”. Jerry sat on the curb and cried for hours. This is the People’s History of the New York Yankees, folks. I’m exposing the dry rot underneath the beautiful facade.

Should of kept Hideki Matsui. World series MVPs owned by designated hitter Hideki Matsui: 1. Number of World Series MVPs owned by designated self-bencher Jorge Posada: 0.

Should of kept Jason Giambi. If the Yankees would of kept da Big G maybe the beat writers would of been nicer to the players this year. Chemistry is important.

Should of kept Randy Choate. Once upon a time Randy Choate was a Yankee. Then with typical disloyalty the Yankees traded him to the Montreal Expos in exchange for, wait for it, Javier Vazquez! Since then the team has never had another good LOOGY, despite spending over $190M in pursuit of one. Had they kept Choate they likely would of had enough money to sign Matt Holliday.

Should of kept Jose Tabata. Most people call Jose “Lil Manny”, after Manny Ramirez. I guess we don’t need the replica of one of the best right-handed hitters of all time on our team, huh. So sick of this, you guys.

Should of kept Sal Fasano. See: Should of kept Jose Molina.

Should never of signed Kei Igawa. Kei Igawa is Japanese for Dice-K.

Should of signed Gerrit Cole. They say everyone has a price. Apparently the Yankees were too cheap to find out what Gerrit’s was.

Should of kept Xavier Nady. Nady’s official nickname is X-Man. The Yankees could use some killer superpower instinct right about now! Should of kept him.

Should of kept Joe Torre. I used to think Clueless Joe was a great nickname for Torre until I met Girardi. Girardi uses a binder with numbers to make decisions instead of considering factors like how long the guy has been with the team and whether he’s friends with the manager. Talk about clueless. Should of kept Torre!

Should of kept Shawn Chacon. Even if Chacon wouldn’t of been good enough to start in the majors right now, he could of been the ace of the Scranton staff. Or are we going to let the IronPigs just run away with the International League title?

Should of traded for Dan Haren. It would be tough to offer the Diamondbacks something better than perpetual winner Joe Saunders, so I admit this one is a bit unfair. We should of traded for Dan Haren, but Cashman should not of been fired for not trading for him.

Should of kept Kerry Wood. Kerry said he only wanted to play in Chicago, but he was just being a class act and not wanting to show up the cheap Yankees. Use, abuse and discard, that’s our motto here in New York.

Should of kept Mike Dunn. If we would of kept all those relievers we never would of had to sign Soriano and we could of drafted Gerrit Cole this year instead!

Should of kept Eric Hinske. Another member of the World Champion Yankees found himself kicked to the curb. Currently hitting .344/.368/.578 for the Atlanta Braves with 4 home runs. If you project that out over 680 plate appearances, which he’ll surely get (Heyward’s bad this year), he’d club 40 home runs. The Yankees have no one on the team capable of hitting 40 home runs. That’s just statistics.

Should of kept Dustin Moseley. 3.40 ERA in 2011. ‘Nuff said.

Should of kept Sergio Mitre. 1.96 ERA in 2011. ‘NUFF SAID.

Should of kept Alberto Gonzalez. You may be saying, “Hey, this guy hasn’t done much since he left the Yankees. Should they really of kept him?” If you thought this, slap yourself. You’ve only revealed your ignorance about scouting and player evaluation. I’ll let you in on the insider’s game. I had a National League scout describe Gonzalez to me as a guy “with the bat of a Hanley Ramirez but the glove of a Jose Iglesias”. Does this sound like a player the Yankees might need? Looking at you, Jeter.

Should of kept Shelley Duncan. He played like a gamer, he hit like a masher and he was all-out 100% grit all the time. Not at all lazy, knew how to hustle, and he played the game the right way. No surprise that a first-place team picked him up.

Should of kept Jose Contreras. Contreras is on the DL right now, but he was the closer for the Phillies before he got hurt. If he’s good enough to close for Cliff Lee then he’s sure as heck good enough to be in the Yankees bullpen. But I don’t make the calls, you guys. You don’t see me repelling down buildings and alienating Cliff Lee.

Should of kept Shane Spencer. Here’s a guy hittin’ 3 grand slams in a single month. I like to call him the Grand Shalami. You don’t think the Yanks could of used a guy like that last night against Dickey? Don’t make me laugh. Should of kept the Grand Shalami.

Should of kept Bobby Abreu. Abreu has over 100 RBIs 8 times in his career. He would singlehandedly solve our RISP problem.

Should of kept Aaron Small. All this guy did was win. Maybe if he was still around he could teach the pitching staff (cough CC cough) how to motivate the team to play better behind them so they could get wins like he did. 10-0!

Should of kept Alfredo “Just call me Ace” Aceves. Another ten game winner, another guy finding himself filing for unemployment and panhandling for money to feed his kids after the Yankees decided he wasn’t worth anything. He pitches for the Red Sox today, and if he does well then the Yankees really should of kept him.

Should of kept Ross Ohlendorf. He’s a Princeton grad. He could of learned AJ a thing or two about baseball IQ! It’s so obvious it makes me sick.

Should of kept Phil Coke. Hi, Phil. Thanks for winning us that World Series. As a gesture of appreciation we are sending you on a permanent vacation to the lovely hamlet of Detroit! Hope you like industrial blight, foreclosed homes and Eminem.

Should of kept Edwar Ramirez. The guy cried when he gave up a grand slam to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. The last time RafaSori cried was when they ran out of gold diapers at day care.

Should of kept Ruben Rivera and should of kept Juan Rivera. I’m not saying the Yankees should of kept Ruben or Juan over Mariano, but I do think closers are easier to find than All-Star outfielders. Just sayin’.

Should not of signed Pedro Feliciano. Signing an abused reliever, Brian? Talk about taking your support of the Safe at Home Foundation a step too far.

Should of signed LeBron James. In Empire State of Mind, the New York rapper Jay-Z lays down this sick beat: “If Jeezy’s paying LeBron I’m paying Dwyane Wde”. Pretty awesome, right? Little did Jay-Z realize that Jeezy is none other than the Boston Liverpool Patriot Red Sox Bruins. I guess we’ll HAVE to pay Dwayne Wade now, but the Yanks will probably cheap out again and sign Manu Ginobli instead. So typical, you guys. So sick of this. I’m done.