Eliminating the pigeons

Debating the postseason roster
No research necessary

Earlier this sumer — Old Timer’s Day to be exact — Ben and I sat high in the Tier Reserves. Over the course of both games, we were on high alert for pigeons perched above us; a number of people in our section had been pooped on, though they were a couple of rows in front of us. One guy actually got hit three times (he deserved it, as he was a drunken idiot). Clearly, though neither of us was hit, this was a nuisance. Pigeons suck and that goes triply for ballgames.

I’ve always wished we could do something to abolish pigeons. After all, what freakin’ purpose do they serve other than playthings for old, smelly ladies in the park? The Cincinnati Bengals have a solution: gun them down. Yes, the team is seeking permission to eliminate pigeons with pellet guns. This brings two things to mind:

1) This is by far the coolest idea in the history of human existence.
2) How does one sign up to shoot these pigeons?

Hey, almost all of us have experience. Who didn’t sit on their friend’s porch and pick off squirrels and birds and whatever else presented itself as a target?

Debating the postseason roster
No research necessary
  • mg

    Mmmmm fresh squab served in the Tiers!

  • http://www.riveraveblues.com Ben K.

    Oh man, sign me up for that one. I’d love to get rid of pigeons.

  • Tom

    Eliminate pigeons? Good luck, that would be as easy as eliminating roaches or rats.

    They should just install bird spikes on the rafters of above seats.

  • Victoria

    I will do whatever I can to help this incredibly worthwhile endeavor. I’ve also thought a lot about poisoned breadcrumbs…

    • dan

      great idea w/ the breadcrumbs…. Is killing pigeons even legal? I’d think that some kind of wildlife organization would say something about it.

  • http://www.riveraveblues.com Mike A.

    I’m sure they’d just stick up some bird spikes like Tom mentioned, but shooting pigeons with a pellet gun is just so much more fun. Think of the possibilities, they can make it a between-inning fan contest. First one to hit 3 birds gets a $50 gift card to Modell’s! And the best part is that everyone’s a winner!

  • http://riveraveblues.com Mike A.

    I don’t know who the Mets play-by-play guy is, but he just said “Take that Cole Hamels!” after John Maine recorded his 13th K just now. Has he taken a look at the standings recently?

    FYI – Maine has a no-no through 7.

  • Yankee Fan in Chicago

    Didn’t NYC introduce raptors — hawks, falcons, and the like — to reduce the pigeon population in the city? Iirc tall buildings provide a perfect nesting place for the birds, who can then scope out and swoop down on their prey. I recall reading something about it maybe 7-8 years ago. It had an effect in Central Park iirc, as the raptors had a clear line of site from nests on 5th ave and CPW.

  • Pitching You Can’t Count On!

    We lose our 1st division title in 10 years and all you can write about is the poop’in pigeons?

    I guess there’s nothing else to say about this teams downward spiral to another empty season.

    Just seems to get worse and worse has the years mount up.

    • http://www.riveraveblues.com Ben K.

      This is just an inane comment, not worthy of a reply.

  • dan

    no game thread for tonight?

  • Marsha

    Pigeons=rats with wings. I’m all for getting rid of them. It would be good to get them while they’re young and not full-fledged pigeons but those pigeons are smart birds and disguise their young to look like cute, little birds.

  • Victoria

    They drink dirty water.