Step 1: Leave Yankees. Step 2: Grow beard


The Yankees organization prides itself on class and professionalism. Whether or not it lives up to its self-image is a source of constant debate, though they do take measures to ensure that their players represent the team well. One infamous policy they’ve had in place since George Steinbrenner took over is a ban on facial hair below the lip. You wanna grow a pencil-thin mustache? Go for it. But you can forget about a fu manchu. Sal Fasano learned that first-hand.

After years of having an organization tell them what they can and cannot wear on their faces, it’s natural for former Yankees to immediately sport beards. This year’s crop of departures are no exception. Leave Yankees, grow beard. I’d do it, too.

A few of the departed Yankees rocked beards before coming to New York. Here’s Johnny Damon, who started to grow one in spring training with the Tigers, but has since shaved. Maybe the wife doesn’t like it. In any case, it would take a lot to top the beard he’s sporting in the second picture. Oh, what luck. There’s a french fry stuck in my beard.

Photo credits, left: Charlie Riedel/AP, right: Bizuayehu Tesfaye/AP

Chad Gaudin also rocked a beard when he pitched for the A’s, Cubs, and Padres before heading to New York. His beard is not very remarkable, which makes me sad. I wanted to include a wiseass remark with each beard.

Photo credits, left: Jeff Chiu/AP, right: Lenny Ignelzi/AP

I always forget about Brian Bruney. I’m not sure what that says about him, or me, other than I don’t miss him in the bullpen. Great potential, just couldn’t put it all together. But he can grow one mean beard, which should certainly help his future earnings potential once he can’t throw a baseball 95 mph.

Photo credits, left: Rob Carr/AP, right: Duane Burleson/AP

Two more bearded former Yankees never got a chance to rock the facial hair before. Take Phil Coke for instance. He spent his entire career in the Yankees’ system, so he’s always had to keep a razor nearby. Once traded t the Tigers, though, he went all out, growing a mullet, a beard, and picked up the beer gut to go along with it. He kinda looks like Rod Beck, though I’m pretty sure no one will write a song about Coke when he passes away.

Photo credits, left: Eric Gay/AP, right: AP file photo

Finally, we get to Melky. He showed up to Braves camp with a beard, but it appears he has since shaved it. That’s a shame. Melky looks slightly more badass with the beard. Slightly. Which is an improvement upon not at all. I wonder, then, why he shaved. Maybe the women don’t like it.

Photo credits, left: Rob Carr/AP, right: Darren Calabrese/AP

The only one who didn’t grow a beard, it seems, is Hideki Matsui. He should rock the Chan Ho beard this year.

Categories : Whimsy


  1. Why wouldn’t anyone grow a beard, your grit factor goes up 80%.

  2. pete says:

    Damn melkman looks faaatt

  3. Mike HC says:

    Cool article. Well done.

  4. bakes says:

    Melky so doesn’t look like a teddy bear with that stupid beard.

  5. Senor A. Boy says:

    How great was the Critic?

  6. Andy in Sunny Daytona says:

    I saw Phil Coke come in yesterday during the Tigers game and I didn’t even recognize him. Completing the “Douche Grandslam” for relief pitchers, he came sprinting in at full speed to pitch.

    • Beef Hammerdong says:

      Completing the “Douche Grandslam” for relief pitchers, he came sprinting in at full speed to pitch.

      Take it easy on him. Joe West greenlit current Yankees and former Yankees.

      Just yesterday, while out and about, Yogi was randomly solicited for his opinion on a baseball related matter. As he was giving his opinion, a blacked out crown vic rolls up. The driver’s side window slowly rolls down– it’s Joe fucking West. And he’s glaring at Yogi with a look of pure and utter disgust on his face. He spat at Yogi’s feet, snarled, rolled up his window, and peeled out.

      Shit got real.

  7. Accent Shallow says:

    Really? Chad Gaudin’s beard isn’t remarkable? It looks like he has a squirrel stapled to his chin:


  8. W.W.J.M.D. says:

    There is no way anyone could even come close to the awesomeness that is Damon’s beard. It was the one thing I was looking forward to seeing if he left the team this offseason, it’s a shame he didn’t keep it.

  9. Poopy Pants says:

    Melky is looking more and more like Big Papi everyday. Dumb beard, increasing waist line…

  10. Andy_C_23 says:

    “One infamous policy they’ve had in place since George Steinbrenner took over is a ban on facial hair below the lip”

    With this rule in place, I’ve always wondered how they let Thurman Munson keep his ‘stache. Anyone know?

  11. Neil B. says:

    Step 3: ???

    Step 4: Profit!

  12. KyleLitke says:

    Melky’s still got it. He may have shaved a little but I was watching the Braves game the other day and he had the beard.

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