Step 1: Leave Yankees. Step 2: Grow beard

Rays rally in fifth to spoil Javy's return
In the end, City saves part of Gate 2

The Yankees organization prides itself on class and professionalism. Whether or not it lives up to its self-image is a source of constant debate, though they do take measures to ensure that their players represent the team well. One infamous policy they’ve had in place since George Steinbrenner took over is a ban on facial hair below the lip. You wanna grow a pencil-thin mustache? Go for it. But you can forget about a fu manchu. Sal Fasano learned that first-hand.

After years of having an organization tell them what they can and cannot wear on their faces, it’s natural for former Yankees to immediately sport beards. This year’s crop of departures are no exception. Leave Yankees, grow beard. I’d do it, too.

A few of the departed Yankees rocked beards before coming to New York. Here’s Johnny Damon, who started to grow one in spring training with the Tigers, but has since shaved. Maybe the wife doesn’t like it. In any case, it would take a lot to top the beard he’s sporting in the second picture. Oh, what luck. There’s a french fry stuck in my beard.

Photo credits, left: Charlie Riedel/AP, right: Bizuayehu Tesfaye/AP

Chad Gaudin also rocked a beard when he pitched for the A’s, Cubs, and Padres before heading to New York. His beard is not very remarkable, which makes me sad. I wanted to include a wiseass remark with each beard.

Photo credits, left: Jeff Chiu/AP, right: Lenny Ignelzi/AP

I always forget about Brian Bruney. I’m not sure what that says about him, or me, other than I don’t miss him in the bullpen. Great potential, just couldn’t put it all together. But he can grow one mean beard, which should certainly help his future earnings potential once he can’t throw a baseball 95 mph.

Photo credits, left: Rob Carr/AP, right: Duane Burleson/AP

Two more bearded former Yankees never got a chance to rock the facial hair before. Take Phil Coke for instance. He spent his entire career in the Yankees’ system, so he’s always had to keep a razor nearby. Once traded t the Tigers, though, he went all out, growing a mullet, a beard, and picked up the beer gut to go along with it. He kinda looks like Rod Beck, though I’m pretty sure no one will write a song about Coke when he passes away.

Photo credits, left: Eric Gay/AP, right: AP file photo

Finally, we get to Melky. He showed up to Braves camp with a beard, but it appears he has since shaved it. That’s a shame. Melky looks slightly more badass with the beard. Slightly. Which is an improvement upon not at all. I wonder, then, why he shaved. Maybe the women don’t like it.

Photo credits, left: Rob Carr/AP, right: Darren Calabrese/AP

The only one who didn’t grow a beard, it seems, is Hideki Matsui. He should rock the Chan Ho beard this year.

Rays rally in fifth to spoil Javy's return
In the end, City saves part of Gate 2
  • Do Not Feed The Trolls!

    Why wouldn’t anyone grow a beard, your grit factor goes up 80%.

  • pete

    Damn melkman looks faaatt

    • Angelo

      It’s because he’s dominican. You know how lazy those guys are.

    • Chris G.

      That’s why he’s rocking the chin beard. All those years playing against Ortiz have taught Melky one thing: Chin beard = Jaw Line.

      • Beef Hammerdong

        Chin beard = Jaw Line.

        Not if you’re George Lucas.



      • Accent Shallow

        Chubby white guys who grow beards for this purpose make me laugh so hard.

        /not a nice person

  • Mike HC

    Cool article. Well done.

  • bakes

    Melky so doesn’t look like a teddy bear with that stupid beard.

  • Senor A. Boy

    How great was the Critic?

    • Bryan

      The one by Mel Brooks? Hilarious.

  • Andy in Sunny Daytona

    I saw Phil Coke come in yesterday during the Tigers game and I didn’t even recognize him. Completing the “Douche Grandslam” for relief pitchers, he came sprinting in at full speed to pitch.

    • Beef Hammerdong

      Completing the “Douche Grandslam” for relief pitchers, he came sprinting in at full speed to pitch.

      Take it easy on him. Joe West greenlit current Yankees and former Yankees.

      Just yesterday, while out and about, Yogi was randomly solicited for his opinion on a baseball related matter. As he was giving his opinion, a blacked out crown vic rolls up. The driver’s side window slowly rolls down– it’s Joe fucking West. And he’s glaring at Yogi with a look of pure and utter disgust on his face. He spat at Yogi’s feet, snarled, rolled up his window, and peeled out.

      Shit got real.

  • Rob

    dont forget farnsy

    • Richard Iurilli

      I… I don’t know what to say.

      He reminds me of somebody, but I can’t place who…

  • Accent Shallow

    Really? Chad Gaudin’s beard isn’t remarkable? It looks like he has a squirrel stapled to his chin:

    • pete

      oh dear god. that actually looks like a mop

      • JMK the Overshare’s Mystique and Aura

        He looks like the type of guy that still listens to Limp Bizkit.

    • Andy in Sunny Daytona

      Baseball groupies are a picking bunch, when you look like Chad Gaudin you have to do something to stand out. It’s called “peacocking”. That’s why whenever I go out, I make sure that I wear a full Native American Headdress while I dress in a suit made of Mylar……..the ladies love it.

      • Accent Shallow

        You just rocketed up my list of “people I know solely from the Internet that I’d like to go clubbing with”

  • W.W.J.M.D.

    There is no way anyone could even come close to the awesomeness that is Damon’s beard. It was the one thing I was looking forward to seeing if he left the team this offseason, it’s a shame he didn’t keep it.

  • Poopy Pants

    Melky is looking more and more like Big Papi everyday. Dumb beard, increasing waist line…

  • Andy_C_23

    “One infamous policy they’ve had in place since George Steinbrenner took over is a ban on facial hair below the lip”

    With this rule in place, I’ve always wondered how they let Thurman Munson keep his ‘stache. Anyone know?

  • Neil B.

    Step 3: ???

    Step 4: Profit!

  • KyleLitke

    Melky’s still got it. He may have shaved a little but I was watching the Braves game the other day and he had the beard.