Open Thread: The ‘Stache Strikes in Vegas

Spectacular ratings for an All Star spectacle
A musing on the new Stadium

Your mission tonight: comment on the following picture. We can do captions, comments, what have you. Tommiesmithjohncarlos, I’m expecting a lot from you.

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Spectacular ratings for an All Star spectacle
A musing on the new Stadium
  • Tim

    Upon hearing the news that the Yankees signed Richie Sexton, slugger Jason Giambi has embarked on a new training program to keep his job as an everyday player. According to reports from Yankee insiders, Giambi will start and end each practice with a bottle of Jack Daniels. The slugger believes that it will help him stay relaxed in the batters box and improve his range when he dives at first.

  • Tim

    Jason Giambi entertains Vegas locals by playing the Star Spangled Banner on an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.

  • giselle

    The ‘stache isn’t enough. Giambi wants to grow the hair on his chest, too.

  • http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/CRsmithT1.jpg tommiesmithjohncarlos

    Damn, does my reputation precede me that much?

    What, like, I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to fuckin amuse you? What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How am I funny?

  • BigBlueAL

    Jason Giambi is seen here tasting the newest flavor of Vitamin Water.

  • Tim

    . . . and then Jason Giambi sat Robinson Cano and Melky Cabrera down and explained that a real ball player could party all night, drink a full bottle of Jack Daniels, and still hit above replacement level.

  • Paul

    Out of juice, switching to sauce.

    • George Kaplan

      Well done.

  • Paul

    A-Rod pops out with a runner in scoring position… that’s a shot!

    Jetes taps into a double play… that’s a shot!

    Billy Wagner blows a–aah screw it ::gulp gulp gulp::

  • Steve

    Gee, I never thought Jason would be one to abuse his body so . . . . . wait a minute!

  • Paul

    Wwhhhaaassss Evvaaan Loghhhhornia got thetidungot! ::Scoff:: TrrropicannaaaaaoohhhIHATEDESPERATEHOUSEWIVES!

  • Tim

    Hey Girardi, I got your protein shake right here!

    • Steve

      We have a winner!

  • Paul

    If it can work for Josh Hamilton…

    tssssssssssssssssss…. too soon?

    • http://knickerbockerchatter.blogspot.com Bruno

      probably but still FUNNY!

  • Paul

    Buster Olney reports the Yankees have reached a preliminary agreement with struggling slugger, Richie Sexson.

    • steve (different one)

      is this the caption? pretty funny.

      i admit i also laughed at the “too soon” in the previous one.

  • Paul

    Rejected by U.S. Dairy Farmers, mustachioed batsman Jason Giambi seeks out alternate beverages to endorse.

  • Tim

    “I could have been in the home run Derby”

    “Yes I could have, they invited me and everything”

    “Hell yes I could have won”

    “Listen, I’m Jason Fucking Giambi I can do anything I want”

    “Like what? Like I could drink that whole bottle of Jack without stopping to breath”

    • Steve

      Thats a strikeout and an 0-2 count on your next AB.

  • E-ROC

    TMZ is reporting that Giambi slept with a tranny, so that is reason he is drinking.

    • Steve

      “PARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR AND F**K LIKE A PORN STAR!!!”

  • E-ROC

    Giambi just found out that he has a fractured testicle.

  • Tim

    This just in: Drunken slugger Jason Giambi has just challenged Richie Sexton to a cage match for everyday playing rights at 1st base.

  • bkight13

    “Glasses, we don’t need no stinkin glasses”

  • Steve

    “Now, the other night I lay sleeping,
    And I woke from a terrible dream.
    So I called up my pal, Jack Daniels,
    And his partner Jimmy Beam.”

  • E-ROC

    Giambi is beating his meat with his left hand; drinks with his right hand.

  • Chris G.

    Jason’s just showing us what Girardi has to let back into the clubhouse if Moose wins 20 games.

  • Manimal

    Giambi doesn’t drink. His Mustache told him to.

    • Chris G.

      This one just made me think that someone should photoshop the shot so that the ‘stache has its own airline sized bottle.

      • bkight13

        Jack Daniels is the Procede for mustaches

  • bkight13

    Girardi told him to be a better Fifth Hitter

    • Paul

      Nice.

    • http://www.riveraveblues.com Mike A.

      Well done.

    • http://knickerbockerchatter.blogspot.com Bruno

      you got my vote

  • Bill N

    On the catwalk yeah on the catwalk I shake my stash with a bottle of jack on the catwalk.

  • Jim Leyritz

    HGH now comes in a new convenient liquid form. Just drink and grow!

  • Steve

    “Sabermetrics is a tool (gulp gulp gulp) And, as with any tool, its utility depends on the skill of the craftsman (gulp swig gulp) using that tool. And a good craftsman (gulp gulp belch) not only knows how to use each tool but also when (gulp gulp buuurrrp).”

  • Paul

    Hey Biel! Got a little Captain in you?

  • Tim

    “I cannot believe I just slept with Cynthia. Alex is going to be really pissed!”

    • Steve

      “I cannot believe I just slept with Madonna. Alex is going to be really pissed!”

      Fixed that for ya.

  • Andy in Sunny Daytona

    Once it hits your lips, it’s so good!

    • http://www.riveraveblues.com Mike A.

      Heh, damn. That was the first thing that came to my mind when I saw the pic.

    • http://www.workwithpete.com Pete

      Snoop! Snoop-a-loop! We’re going streaking, everyone!!

  • Ivan

    I guess Giambi didn’t ge the Memo, What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.

  • steve (different one)

    they took the bar, the whole f**king bar!!

  • http://www.TheBronxStop.com Mark M.

    Jason Giambi:

    I’m f*****g cat like when I drink Jack dude.

  • Heck

    “Gimme six Schiltz’s… Whatevers free.”… “Hello Mrs. Daniels… Mrs. Daniels is Jack there?”

    • Giselle

      Not good dude.

  • Ivan

    Giambi: Hey Pedroia want some Jack Daniels.

    Pedroia: Hell yeah

    Giambi: Oh sorry son, your not old enough.

  • http://www.riveraveblues.com Joseph P.

    My favorite comment from the Deadspin comments section:

    Giambi isn’t drinking. He’s playing Guitar Hero: Guns ‘n’ Roses.

    • Joey

      lol, and the meanest Deadspin comment:

      Matt Sussman at 02:09 PM

      His brother was tending the bar that night.

  • toby k.

    The Big G is loose… and he has his pinky up, cup ‘o tea?

    • http://www.riveraveblues.com Mike A.

      That’s Yankee class right there.

    • Steve

      He holds that thing the way Sinatra used to hold his microphone.

      Doo bee doo bee dooooo. . . .

  • Joey

    Moose got ice cream back. Whoop de fuckin doo. When can I get my minibar back? My mustache can pitch better than that bitch!

  • E-ROC

    Victoria’s Secret ran out of my favorite thongs; the pink and black leopard print ones.

  • McCaff

    “The stache made me do it.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=594331910 Jamal G.

    Rude second half welcome for Johan Santana so far.

  • McCaff

    yeah doesnt really matter though, Wagner would just blow it in the ninth anyway

  • http://www.riveraveblues.com Mike A.

    Giambi must have just watched a Melky Cabrera at-bat.

    • http://knickerbockerchatter.blogspot.com Bruno

      LOL

  • http://knickerbockerchatter.blogspot.com Bruno

    What All-Star game?

  • yanke

    look at my cool T-shirt

  • http://www.riveraveblues.com Mike A.

    WTF? Everyone at this American Mustache Institute convention is gay!

    ***chug chug chug***

  • Mike R.

    That shit will put chest hair on your stache.

    • http://yankeesetc.blogspot.com/ Travis G.

      winner.

  • http://www.riveraveblues.com Mike A.

    Yogi! You’re next!

  • B

    HA, everyone thinks I’m drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels when really its my new supply of HGH! Here’s to my ’08 MVP campaign.

  • http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/CRsmithT1.jpg tommiesmithjohncarlos

    “You sign Dicklock Sexy to steal my thunder? ARod’s banging Madonna? Joba’s the toast of the town? You’re actually talking about bringing in BARRY BONDS? What am I, a coupon on Dick Street?

    Fine, fuck you assholes. I’m gonna pound this Jack and go show Miley Cyrus what’s in my Golden Thong. That back page is MINE! VIVA GIAMBINO!”

  • Jon

    Babe Ruth? Who’s that??? He has nothing on me!

  • http://everythingbaseball.wordpress.com Aaron

    Jason Giambi, new spokesman for the David Wells Diet Program.

  • brockdc

    “Hey! Hey! Are you listenin’? Hey you! HEY! I love two things in this world: All-star breaks and wearing size boys medium T-shirts.”

  • Tommy

    Gentlemen! Giambino’s Miracle Hair Tonic is guaranteed to restore a shiny luster to your whiskers, muttonchops, or “Foo Manchoo.” Go from stubble to no-trouble in a fortnight, guaranteed! To order, please post $23,428,571.00 by courier or PayPal at hairhormones@aol.com

  • straphanger9

    THE STACHE IS THIRSTY…GIVE THE STACHE THE NECTAR OF LIFE JASON, MAKE THE STACHE NOT THIRSTY AND THE STACHE WILL TREAT YOU WELL!

  • http://nyyu.blogspot.com Mike @ NYYU

    Dope

  • yanke

    im jason giambi and im really cool. look at me. look at me.

    • yanke

      Did i win?

      • RustyJohn

        No.

  • robert skollar

    I think it’s very American for Jason to be playing in a Jug Band

    OR…

    “The Giambino with a nother jack!!!!”

    • AMS223

      Or as the ESPN guys say….BARTENDER…….JACK

  • robert skollar

    Meanwhile, Papelbon’s sipping a Cosmo

    • http://www.riveraveblues.com Mike A.

      Ha!

  • Shawn

    Giambi and his “All-star” leaving the club to go party with the girls of “Coyote Ugly” to make some headline news because he is tired of hearing about Arod with strippers and Madonna.

  • Joltin’ Joe

    Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Whiskey – Destroying the lives of sheriffs across America since 1875!

  • http://derekjetersbat.blogspot.com/ Joey H

    time for melky to switch off the milk and get some hair on his nuts with some jack. might up his production at the plate so we can shiip his ass out of here, hell ill buy him a pack of cigarettes too, being he isnt old enough yet lol!

  • dan

    A-Rod to blame for Giambi’s drinking binge, says NY media

  • McCaff

    “Jack Daniels: Making ugly guys like me more attractice since 1884.”

  • Scott of 3 Kids Tickets

    Jason Giambi gets stopped by police, and is asked: “Have you been drinking?”
    Giambi replies: “Okay, yes, I have… how did you know officer? Was I swerving across the road, or speeding?”
    “No Mr Giambi,” replied the policeman, “…nothing else can explain that fat ugly woman sitting next to you.”

    -Scott

  • Ben N.C.

    In the world of competitive drinking, Jason Giambi is known as Jack’s Short Right Porch.

    • Joy

      That’s good! An easy shot!

  • usty

    Well if Floyd Landis could use this excuse….

  • Kyle

    “Don’t worry, I’m the DDing tonight”

  • Smitt Dog

    Forced to provide urine on a prodigious scale, here Yankee slugger Jason Giambi does his part by “replenishing his fluids” in preparation for a Mitchell Investigation inspired “random drug screen”.

  • http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/CRsmithT1.jpg tommiesmithjohncarlos

    Well, another All-Star break is in the books, and it was one for the ages. Everyone focuses on the spectacle of the Game or the Home Run Derby, but for the players, the contest they look forward to the most is the “Man The Fuck Up, Finish That Shit and Stop Being A Bitch” Binge Drinking Derby, sponsored by State Farm and Brawny Paper Towels, annualy held at one of the host cities’ finest sports bars every All-Star Tuesday night.

    Pictured here is the three-time defending champion, Jason Giambi, polishing off his fourth bottle of Jack Daniels. He did manage to get through half of one more bottle before vomiting and then setting his regurgitation on fire, followed by smashing the bottle over his head and then having sex with all of the bartenders (regardless of gender) in the smoldering ashes — in what is quickly becoming his annual ritual. I saw the whole thing live, and it is electric.

    Coming in second and third this year, with valiant efforts that ultimately fell way too short, were Brian McCann and Ozzie Guillen, who still refuses to acknowledge the fact that he’s no longer an active player and thus, ineligible to compete in the Man The Fuck Up Derby.

    Coming in last this year, again, was Red Sox Catcher Jason “Tek It Easy, Champ” Varitek, who apparently passed out after drinking half of one Appletini while still wearing his catcher’s mask. He was rushed to the hospital and had his stomach pumped, where doctors discovered what they called a “shocking quantity” of partially digested baked beans, Levitra tablets, various unidentified bodily fluids not belonging to Varitek, and a pair of men’s boxer briefs with the word “Timlin” written on the waistband. As of press time, he is expected to make a full recovery and should be back on the field by next week, fully healed and ready to resume his pursuit of the record for the worst single season by an everyday player in MLB history.

    Giambi later finished Varitek’s drink, which he described as “pussy-weak”. He collected his prize, a new 2008 Ford Edge, which will be delivered to him personally by Derek Jeter, as well as a donation to the Make-A-Wish Foundation made in his name. He then punched Jon Papelbon in the throat. It was electric.

    For Diamond Cutters, I’m Peter Gammons, ESPN.

    • Smitt Dog

      There it is…

      Well done sir…

      I’m surprised Jason didn’t go for the two point conversion this year as he has in years past.

    • B

      Good stuff but you ruined it at the end by saying your that Red Sox loving homer in Peter Gammons!

    • Andy In Sunny Daytona

      Cracking me up as usual.

  • jsbrendog

    hr derby or binge drinking vacation……well played martini

  • Bambino’sGhost

    Jack and Giambi

    Jack and Giambi
    Seemed dead as zombies
    Yet wretched a pail of vomit.
    With Jack passed round
    A fifth Giambi do pound
    Then fornicated both Vixen and Comet.

  • Andy In Sunny Daytona

    A Giambi Haiku…

    All-Star break is here
    A golden thong hides some things
    But Jack reveals all.

  • Gustavo

    That’s not Giambi drinking, the ‘Stache is holding up the bottle. Look closely, Giambi is just trying to get it away from him.

  • http://www.riveraveblues.com Mike A.

    “I can’t believe that motherfucker stole my laptop. I need a drink.”

  • scott

    “J.D. is MY all star MVP too”

  • http://www.workwithpete.com Pete

    Jason forgoes a ‘Crazy straw’.

  • http://www.workwithpete.com Pete

    The best part is that the ‘stache soaks up about a half a glassful for later…

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  • http://www.manixcomix.com/ Letisha Patierno

    Sexy girl strips