Breaking: Selig issues A-Rod 50-game suspension

Joba Rules over Reds
A late Spring Training cut that might actually be useful

While the Yankees knew they would be without their starting third baseman until mid May, the team received a bombshell just minutes ago when baseball commissioner Bud Selig announced a 50-game suspension for A-Rod this morning.

Citing his power to protect the best interests of baseball, Selig took the unprecedented step of suspending a player for failing a drug test before punishment measures were in place. The MLB Players Association plans to appeal the ruling.

“These players who use performance-enhancing substances offend all of us who care for the game, and I will not tolerate their actions,” Selig said during an early-morning conference call with reporters. “What Alex did was wrong and he will have to live with the damage he has done to his name and reputation. There is no valid excuse for using such substances, and those who use them have shamed the game.”

Selig’s decision came after nearly two months of soul searching and investigation. In February, Sports Illustrated’s Selena Roberts broke the news that A-Rod was one of 104 players on a supposedly anonymous list from 2003 of those who failed a drug test. A-Rod, who a year ago had denied ever taking PEDs, came clean in a series of interviews with Peter Gammons and Michael Kay and in a press conference in Tampa.

Meanwhile, a few weeks later, as the steroid fallout dissipated, another A-Rod story popped up. The Yanks’ clean-up hitter had to go under the knife for a torn labrum and was originally set to miss the first six weeks of the schedule. During A-Rod’s rehab in Colorado, though, Selig decided enough was enough. He didn’t want to hear about the “loosey-goosey” steroid era anymore and determined that a 50-game suspension for A-Rod would send a message to those still trying to evade drug tests.

While Gene Orza and his team at the Players Association are busy trying to figure out how to overturn this suspension, baseball insiders are worried about the labor unrest this move may generate. While popular with a media long critical of steroid uses, the PA believes that Bud Selig has overstepped his bounds as commission and has violated the Collective Bargaining Agreement.

Meanwhile, the Yankees are left with Cody Ransom at third base until seemingly the end of June now. Ransom, 33, has never gotten more than 78 plate appearances in a single big league season and remains untested. While the Yanks were prepared to use him until May to fill a hole, the reality of a half of season without A-Rod may force them to package Melky Cabrera and Ian Kennedy in a deal for a third baseman.

With this revelation, 2009 becomes the third year in a row in which big news happened in Yankeeland. Last year, the team revealed that Kei Igawa would join the rotation due to an Andy Pettitte injury. In 2007, Roger Clemens announced his return to the Bronx just days before Carl Pavano was set to take the ball for Opening Day. Ironically enough, only the former half of that sentence was an April Fools joke then just as this is today.

Joba Rules over Reds
A late Spring Training cut that might actually be useful
  • jon

    nice april fools

    • Chris A

      Ya had e for the first couple of paragraphs, then i remembered the date.

  • mikef

    Good stuff!

    BTW – does anyone think McPherson would be a good fit at 3B over Ransom?

    • Yankeegirl49

      I don’t know if he would or wouldn’t be, however I do think it would be worth finding out.

      • mikef

        being the Marlins, the Yanks could likely offer someone nowhere near the 40man roster and grab him.

        I think he is a bit of a butcher at 3B, and he is a lefty who will not have a position once A Rod comes back (which somewhat limits his use off-the-bench), but I wonder if his value over Ransom for even a short time would be worth it

        • steve (different one)

          if he has no home after A-Rod comes back, there is a very good chance it’s not worth it.

          we’re talking about a guy with an OBP under .300 in the majors.

          still, the power is enticing.

          i’m on the fence here.

        • Yankeegirl49

          They dont have to offer anyone..he was released.

          • kSturnz

            just saw that, there is no downside now…?

            • Yankeegirl49

              Yeah, thats why I said it would be worth finding out. Doesnt seem like there is much of a risk there.

              • Gooseman

                I would grab this guy… hes 28 and has shown crazy power in the minors. If he shows something and Arod comes back then trade him… if not just release him. They would be paying league minimum so why not?

                • A.D.

                  Plus, Yankees can be attractive to McPherson as he can play right away

  • Jamal G.

    Honestly, even though I quickly realized it was a joke, it didn’t stop my stomach from sinking as the initial reaction after reading the headline. I think it would be apt to continue the *RAB tradition of issuing a nice “Fuck you” to the author of this post for any elevated heartbeats.

    So, fuck you.

    *OK, so maybe it’s not a true tradition, but it was funny as balls when this guy did it:

    • Reggie C.


      I held my breath there for a sec.

    • Mike Pop

      Lol, mikef is in this thea right now also.

    • Yank Crank 20

      Haha totally held my breath for 5 seconds then realized it was April 1.

  • Ace

    Great job!! Very thorough and believable.

  • Bob F


    • Jack

      I agree 100%

  • Dave M

    You had me for a second. Then I realized what day it was.

  • Steve

    Not funny at all Dickhead

  • steve (different one)


  • Tripp

    Dallas McPherson is still available!

  • Elle

    I was totally gotten by this for a couple minutes. *shakes fist*

    Nice job.

  • steve (different one)

    a 50 game suspension would actually not be the worst thing ever for the Yankees.

    he’s probably going to miss about 35 games anyway. instead of putting him on the DL, you suspend him, and you don’t pay his salary (i think that’s how everything would work).

    so, would you be willing to hold him out another 15 games for $10M?

    • Jamal G.

      Would anyone?

      • steve (different one)

        the Yankees might.

        • Jamal G.

          You honestly believe the Yankees would forfeit an extra 15 games without their best player to save an extra $10M? Why would they do that?

          • Ed

            It would be more than just $10m, probably closer to $14m as they would also get a break on the luxury tax.

            I don’t think they’d do it unless they were confident he’d miss, say, 45+ games, but, this started me thinking about the validity of it…

            The big reason to do it would be you could acquire, say, Mike Cameron in a salary dump trade and your payroll for the season stays the same.

            So, which is worth more?

            127 games of A-Rod + 162 games of Gardner/Melky


            112 games of A-Rod + 162 games of Cameron

            And keep in mind that if A-Rod misses 35 games, he’s probably returning at less than 100%, whereas he’d be in better shape if he returned later.

            I haven’t thought this out too much, so I don’t know if it makes sense. Just throwing the idea out there. Feel free to substitute Cameron with someone else that you think is reasonable.

          • steve (different one)

            You honestly believe the Yankees would forfeit an extra 15 games without their best player to save an extra $10M? Why would they do that?

            the difference between A-Rod and Ransom is about 1 win/month. this is 1/2 a month, or 1/2 a win.

            1/2 a win for $10M is not a good use of resources.

            i’m not saying you’re wrong, but i think the Yankees would seriously, seriously consider it.

            $10M is a lot of scratch.

            • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

              You can disappear a lot of dead hookers with $10M.

              Not that the Yankees have a problem like that… I’m just saying.


    • Steve

      hey different one … do you really believe the Yankees are better off without him?? Cody who? or maybe Buffalo Bill Cody

      • steve (different one)

        of course not.

        this is a purely hypothetical question:

        would the Yankees accept $10M for 15 games without A-Rod.

        i am saying they might.

        • Steve

          I think that because he is who he is many forget this guy is a great player …. maybe a misguided human being but a great player non the less
          And yes every game he is not there is a game without potential HR’s RBI”S baserunning etc . etc.

  • WhizzoTheWize

    What’s an A-Rod?

  • thisisthedavid

    YO NOT FUCKIN FUNNY FAM, I nearly vomited.

  • Colombo

    Damn…i was suckered…I was like this close to sending out a group email to my coworkers calling for Selig to be impeached…

  • Rebecca-Optimist Prime

    Nice job, very believable

  • mustang

    Nice job.
    You had me going.

  • KW

    *applauds* had me going for a bit

  • patrick burke

    april fools…almost believed that haha

  • rbizzler

    You better hope that you don’t actually live at the RAB mailing address!

    Kidding of course, and Happy April Fools to all.

  • JobaWockeeZ

    I FELL FOR IT! ;_;

  • Cam


  • UWS

    You really had it going, Ben, but then you slipped once you got to “…the reality of a half of season without A-Rod may force them to package Melky Cabrera and Ian Kennedy in a deal for a third baseman…”

    • Mike Pop


    • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

      Actually, here’s the sentence that gave it away as a prank:

      “Selig’s decision came after nearly two months of soul searching and investigation. “


      • Jack

        That’s why he was searching.

        • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

          Okay, then, fair enough.

          If Bud’s searching for a soul, perhaps he should start by looking in the suit pockets of some of those 1960’s era rumpled blazers he bought from Goodwill, maybe one of the previous hobos who owned them left one in there.

  • kSturnz

    i fell for it, but knew it would be easy as sin to overturn

  • DanElmaleh

    I was mentally writing an angry email to Bud, accusing him of sabo-ing the Yankees. Nice work.

    • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

      Chris Sabo-ing the Yankees?

  • Burns

    Well played…I’m going to need a new keyboard though after spitting a mouthful of lucky charms all over this one.

  • Matt

    I see what you did there.

  • joeyD

    If ARod was given a 50 day suspension at this point, it would surely be appealed meaning it would be weeks before the appeal would even be heard. And since ARod is injured and can’t play now, so if the suspension was upheld it would end up amounting to even more than 50 games missed.

    Anyone who thinks that would be a good thing is mentally challenged.

    • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

      The joke


      Your head

      • Matt

        I’m so stealing this from now on. Thanks, bud.

        • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

          It’s not mine. I’m just borrowing it from some other genius RAB commenter. Whomever originated this line, please step forward and claim your kudos.

  • Kilgore Trout

    Got me. F’er.

  • Ryan S.

    If I wasn’t planning April Fools jokes to my coworkers myself, I probably would’ve fallen for this … but I’m already in a prankster state of mind :D

  • Mike Pop

    Would make the team better, though.

    • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

      Oh, of course. Goes without saying, don’t state the obvious.

  • Chuck

    If this was true, could the Yankees activate him on opening day and let the suspension run out while he re-habs?

  • YankeeScribe

    Good one! You had me going for the first 3 paragraphs…

  • Russell NY

    You scared the living hell out of me until I realized it was April 1.

  • Russell NY

    I was fooled… you got me good =( I was jumping between and Lohud Yankees trying to confirm it. I should have read the whole article and got my head out of the ground =(

  • Matt B

    What Are your thoughts on Ryan Rabraun from the Tigers? He plays all over the field; outfield, second, thrid. I dont know about his hitting but he would be a solid bench player once A-Rod came back. Trade wise it would take a bullpen arm at the most. The Tigers are desperate for pitching. What do you guys think?

    • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

      Perhaps, but I doubt the Tigers are interested in moving any player they have under contract who doesn’t have a big salary. They’re probably going to be hemmoraging money.

      All things considered, Brandon Inge probably has a lower price point in prospects than Raburn does, since Raburn is dirt cheap and Inge is expensive. They’d rather dump Inge and give all his AB’s to Raburn than vice-versa.

      • Matt

        If Ransom struggles, I don’t think Inge would be a bad pick up at all. He’s shown that he can hit well at times and even if he doesn’t, he backs it up with great defense at third. He’d be a very suitable backup after Rodriguez’s return, as well.

        • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

          Yeah, I’m cool with buying Inge from the Tigers for a non-prospect.

          • Phrancis

            Igawa for Inge straight up. Igawa is far better that D-train at this point, eventhough both have anxiety issues.

            • steve (different one)

              doesn’t that defeat the purpose from the Tigers’ POV?

          • Matt

            So, Kennedy for Inge?


            • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

              Dombrowski: Hey, Brian, whatup.
              Cashman: Look, I don’t have a lot of time, so I’ll get right to it – how about Inge for Ian Kennedy?
              Dombrowski: Yeah, actually, that works just fine for u-

        • jsbrendog

          can catch too correct? if you want jorge out but want to optimize offense have him catch instead of jomo

      • Matt B

        The tigers are actively trading him. According to MLB trade rumors. They were going to send him to the mets for stokes but that fell through. He also was just sent to AAA in favor of a rookie, Jeff Lirash or something like that. If it took a bullpen arm then im all for it.

      • A.D.

        He was already rumored for being shopped for an arm, obviously the rumor could be wrong, but it is out there.

  • http://Nationals Mac

    Good one. I was surprised RAB broke the story before ESPN haha. This was definitely better then last year when the Yanks supposedly signed Juan Gonzalez to a 2 year deal.


    Damn it RAB. Totally got me on that one. No joke, I was just like, “Why oh why did I draft A-Rod in fantasy.”

  • claybeez

    Got me last year, but not this time. As soon as I saw the headline, I asked, “is today April Fool’s?” Skipped the story and went straight to the end.

  • The man with 33 fingers

    Great…I’ve been gotten three times today so far.

    First my girl gives me a package and tells me to drop it off at Fed-Ex, when I get there the girl at the counter goes “Um, this is marked for UPS” – Real funny

    2nd, My dick head buddy tells me he as first row behind the dugout for Opening day at the stadium for us, at least he has tickets in the upper deck for Fridays game, but still Real funny.

    Now you with this……

    Damn I’ve been gullible today.

    • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

      If it’s any consolation, your website is still awesome.

      • The man with 33 fingers

        It does make me feel better…..thanks.

  • Grant

    AFD and blogs oy vey

  • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

    ARod getting suspended 50 games is patently and utterly ludicrous, I’m sorry. I can’t believe all you guys really fell for that. Really? Really? It took you MULTIPLE PARAGRAPHS to realize that was an April Fools Joke? Really?

    Things I would have gone with instead:
    – Advance excerpts of Selena Roberts new book with lurid, extremely graphic description of gay sex between ARod and Kevin Brown
    – Tom Verducci breaking a story about a sexual tryst between John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman, including escapades in the YS press booth
    – Former Yankee and Red Sox great Wade Boggs found dead, from either choking on a chicken bone, overdosing on Natural Ice beer, autoerotic asphyxiation or all three simultaneously

    • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

      Or, better yet:

      -Girardi names Angel Berroa opening day 3B, saying that he’s had a more impressive spring than Ransom, and Berroa asking for uniform #21.

      • UWS

        I’d have gone with:

        -After watching Joba Chamberlain labor through his spring training starts, the team has announced their decision to move the young fireballer back to the bullpen where he will serve as bridge to, an eventual replacement for, Mariano Rivera.

      • Yankeegirl49

        I like this one!

        • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

          Berroa: “I really think I’ve earned the number 21. I’m a former Rookie of the Year, I’ve been mashing the ball, let’s face facts: I’m pretty damn awesome. I don’t see what the big deal is about #21; I’ll be the best Yankee to ever wear the number inside a week.”

          “These bitch-ass fans really need to grow the fuck up already.”

    • Benjamin Kabak

      Alright, sour puss. Whatever you say.

      I like UWS’ Joba-to-the-pen suggestion.

      • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

        It’s April Fools Day, not April Let’s Beat This Dead Horse Some More Day.

      • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

        I’m just busting your balls. It’s not that I’m saying that your article was wack, far from it: it was very well written.

        I’m just surprised THAT MANY PEOPLE really fell for it that much. Here’s where I realized your post was an AFD prank:

        “April 01: Breaking: Selig issues…”

    • anonymous

      “- Advance excerpts of Selena Roberts new book with lurid, extremely graphic description of gay sex between ARod and Kevin Brown”

      Id have fell for this.

  • Count Zero

    That was just TOTALLY wrong!

    I was so depressed there for about 30 seconds, I thought I was going to cry. Then I was like, “Go MLBPA!” Then I tried to click on your link and realized I had been had. :-)

    Nice one.

  • anonymous

    I knew this was fake. Went to ESPN first this morning and there wasnt a mass orgy.

  • Justin

    Haha my heart stopped for a second, and then I looked for the nearest thing next to me that I could smash while yelling about how dumb Selig is.

    I can’t believe I fell for it – I only realized it was fake when I tried going to and didn’t see anything about it. Nice job guys :)


    Sad Trombone just April Fooled me. Is nothing sacred? Aside from Trombone and Instant Rim Shot, are there any other gems out there?

    • tommiesmithjohncarlos a/k/a Ridiculous Upside

      HAHAHAH that’s all kinds of awesome. Well done, Sad Trombone.

      • Joey

        lol, awesome

  • EStreetBobby

    I fell for it. Called at least five people. All had the same reaction, YES!! Ransom in ’09, the real change we can beleive in!

    • Andy In Sunny Daytona

      Five idiotic friends.

      No offense though.

  • Dan

    The Yankees signing Gary Sheffield to play third base would have oddly been more believable – but this was a good one too.

  • Yankeegirl49

    I posted the link on my FB…Im amazed at how many people believed it and are standing on the ledge ready to jump.

  • Sean

    got me….lol

  • DisplacedYanksFan

    Not funny at all!

  • Zach Sanders

    The link that goes nowhere gave it away. Nice though, had me scrambling for a minute.

  • Chris G.

    You guys suck. I have a few extra gray hairs now. Funny though.

  • RobC

    While A-Rod is out do you think they could get Sid Finch to play 3rd base?

  • McCaff

    I hate you. I texted all my friends and cursed out every baseball official I could name. I was mad about the idea of trading Kennedy and Melky, but when i realized we could get Evan Longoria or David Wright in return, it settled my stomach a little bit.

  • Tony

    oh my God how can selig do this..

    Something must be done – I going to protest in front of MLB headquarters

  • Bruno

    I knew it was April Fools from the start.

  • VO

    I hate you guys

  • Chief

    scared the crap outta me, but i assumed it was wrong b/c i didnt see it on pete abraham’s blog lol

  • AK

    Oh man, the first thought that popped into my head was “Oh crap, this better be an april fool’s joke.” You totally had me going for the first few paragraphs, luckily I read till the end.

  • Currambayankees

    Okay, this proves Bud is nothing more then and idiot. He’s suspending ARod for something that happened in 2002-2003 but never bothered to step up and suspend others who have admitted they used roids or came close to admitting it. IDIOT!!!

  • Currambayankees

    You got me on that one;)

    • Benjamin Kabak


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