Apr
02

2012 Season Preview: Rest of the AL

By

(AP Photo/David Goldman)

Last week we took a nice long look at the teams who figure to be the Yankees’ primary competition this season, meaning the Red Sox, Rays, Tigers, Angels, and Rangers. There are eight other clubs in the American League though, and the Yankees are going to play those eight teams quite a bit more than the five other contenders. Most of those eight teams aren’t very good, but every game counts the same.

Rather than doing a boring old offense/defense/pitching preview for each of those eight non-contenders, I decided to have a little fun with this one and put together some haikus. I encourage you to leave your own in the comments.

Baltimore Orioles
No pitching, few bats.
Buck is all talk and no bite.
Don’t dare dis Flanny!

Chicago White Sox
Rebuild or contend?
Kenny can’t seem to decide.
I wish we had Danks.

Cleveland Indians
Some funny names,
Asdrubal and Ubaldo?
Not winning this year.

Kansas City Royals
Hosmer is the shizz.
Young pitching ain’t quite there yet.
LOL Frenchy.

Minnesota Twins
Mauer and Morneau
Used to be really awesome.
Now they are broken.

Oakland Athletics
Yoenis is here.
Trade all of the pitchers!
Where are the fans?

Seattle Mariners
Felix is the man,
The rest of the team sucks.
I miss Montero.

Toronto Blue Jays
AA the best,
Until he gets Jeff Mathis.
New unis do rule.

Categories : Other Teams, Whimsy

49 Comments»

  1. Robinson Tilapia says:

    I used to work with a crazy woman who insisted on writing haikus for just about everything. You just reminded me of her.

    • 42isNotMortal says:

      Was in a fantasy league about a decade ago with a guy who did weekly wrap-ups via Haiku. Must be a baseball writer thing.

  2. vin says:

    Nice work, Mike.

  3. Klemy says:

    Inclusion of Haiku automatically makes this the best article ever.

  4. Hank says:

    I must be greedy
    More detail for O’s and Jays!
    The rest are funny

  5. Chad Gaudin the Friendly Ghost says:

    Preview in Haiku?
    I think it’s hipster poetry
    I still think Mike is cool.

  6. I am not the droids you're looking for... says:

    Nice racist comment about the “funny” names ‘Axisa’ ;)

  7. sprot says:

    Trade Felix you hoes
    You are #6org forever
    90 loss season

  8. Monterowasdinero says:

    Very nice and succinct.

    At this point in Pineda’s Yankee career I feel as if Monterowasnotdinero but I am hopeful.

  9. sprot says:

    Never won a thing
    Price will be a Yankee soon
    Lets contract the Rays!

  10. al says:

    AA not the best
    Gives McGowan extension
    What are you thinking?

  11. sprot says:

    Forever fourth place
    Your owners are cheap and dumb
    Travis Snider sucks

  12. Soriano Is A Liar says:

    Bobby Valentine,
    say Yanks don’t practice Flip Play.
    Stick to managing.

  13. Nick says:

    Young Mike Pineda,
    For how long DL’d, who knows?
    come quick dear Andy!

  14. Andy in Sunny Daytona says:

    Red Sox doomed to fail.
    Saltalamacchia sucks.
    Stone. Leaf. Wind. Gammons.

  15. Plank says:

    Never got haiku.
    Think you’re clever but you’re not.
    I just don’t get it.

    *Just a personal preference. Nothing against you, Mike.

  16. Andy in Sunny Daytona says:

    Genius Managers.
    Bobby, Buck, John and Maddon.
    Win a ring sometime.

  17. Jimmy says:

    All’s well in the Bronx.
    Boston chokes and to the East,
    The sound of Flushing.

  18. UncleArgyle says:

    Funny Article. I enjoyed it. However, most of those aren’t actually Hiaku’s. Hiaku’s need to follow the 5-7-5 syllable format to fit the traditional definition.

    • cuban bee says:

      Yeah I have to agree. At first I though they were all going to follow the correct formula, but I was quite disappointed to see how many did not. And most, if not all of them can be fixed by just adding another one syllable word in there. example:

      No pitching, few bats.
      Coach Buck is all talk, no bite.
      Don’t dare dis Flanny!

      or

      Rebuild or contend?
      Kenny can’t seem to decide.
      I Wish we had Danks.

    • YankeeDave says:

      Great article Mike. Way to keep things interesting.

      Uncle Argyle has a valid point, however I must point out that most who are adept at the finer points of writing Haiku could not explain the infield fly rule.

      • UncleArgyle says:

        The infield fly rule is definately more complex than the Hiaku Poem Structure.

      • cuban bee says:

        Ha! It’s to prevent players from purposely dropping an infield pop-up in order to turn a double or triple play. Explained. boom.

    • cantrecallmyname says:

      “… need to follow the 5-7-5 syllable format to fit the traditional definition”

      And the last line of Haiku is usually unrelated to the first two.

      Now the sun rises
      And then the sun also sets
      E Nunez E6.

  19. Reggie C. says:

    Pineda not well
    But rest of starters still aight
    Hughes needs to step up

  20. Plank says:

    I could see the Mariners being surprise contenders this year. There are a lot of ifs, but if Montero, Ackley, and Smoak all play up to their potential, and if Ichiro gets back to being Ichiro! then their offense goes from punchless to average or maybe even better.

    • Fin says:

      Contending with who? They might not stink if everything goes right but contend with the Angles and Rangers? Content with the likes of Yankees, Rays, Sox and looser of the Angles, rangers for the wild card?

      • Plank says:

        I think the Rangers are the best team in baseball. I can imagine somewhat realistic scenarios where the Mariners finish with a better record than the Angels. Not likely, but not impossible.

  21. Hall and Nokes says:

    Can we start the goddamned season already?

  22. Will (the other one) says:

    Wonder why haiku -
    Would have liked songs for each team!
    Real good laugh, I had.

  23. Hall and Nokes says:

    I just learned that Yoenis has three syllables, and Danks has two.

  24. Jimmy says:

    Caption:

    Buck, Joe, Mike & Ben,
    Talking baseball at the field.
    Show them that grip, Mike.

  25. jjyank says:

    Trade for Ubaldo?
    Sure glad we didn’t do it
    That sucks for the Tribe

  26. Plank says:

    What’s the deal with Morneau now? Is he playing? Do they expect anything from him going forward?

    Is Mauer still their full time catcher or is he DH now?

    • jjyank says:

      I think Mauer is splitting time at both, and Morneau’s career is in serious jeopardy. That’s as specific as I can get though, I don’t follow the Twinkies closely.

      • jjyank says:

        This is from my fantasy site on Morneau:

        “Morneau started slow this spring hitting .091 (3-for-33) before his recent five-game tear. During his slump he had said he felt better at the plate but just had to get his timing, which he apparently has now. Morneau hasn’t reported any concussion-related issues this spring and says he’s encouraged by the health of his wrist and neck after surgeries on both last season. Still, he’s said he may limit his playing time to mostly DH in an effort to reduce his risk to a relapse of post-concussion symptoms. While the risk of him suffering a setback in to his concussion woes still looms large, he’s been healthy this spring and showing signs of his pre-concussion form at the plate.”

        Mauer appears to be healthy and will split time at C and 1B

        • Fin says:

          A healthy Morneau and Mauer certainly changes the Twins profile. I forget sometimes just how awesome Morneau was before he got wrecked by injuries. Its hard to imagine them staying healthy all year but if they could the Twins could have a nice team. I still dont think they compete with Detroit though.

          • jjyank says:

            That’s true. If Mauer and Morneau are healthy, and a few things break their way pitching-wise, they’re not a bad team. But yeah, the Tigers will likely run away with the Central either way.

  27. Chuck says:

    Montero is gone
    Pineda is here with bong
    Put your hat on right

  28. cuban bee says:

    For some NL teams

    Magic knows baseball
    Kemp and Kershaw will agree
    at least in public

    Fish get new fish tank
    spend money on free agents
    people still don’t care

  29. Jared says:

    Crabby manager
    Cartoon bird leads renaissance?
    Retro rut reigns on.

  30. Mike HC says:

    River Ave. fans know
    That the Red Sox really blow
    Yanks in 12′ fo’ sho’

  31. jjyank says:

    28 is coming
    The Yanks will win 100
    The Sox can suck it!

  32. Cesar "Stairs" Cabral says:

    Mi elbow hurts
    I will still hurt you bitches
    RIP you all

  33. Moose says:

    Fried chicken and beer
    Big Papi goes number 2
    Must send in the troops

  34. Jonathan says:

    Definitely liked the change of pace Mike. Only part I didn’t like was Seattle. If Ichiro comes back to life or gets the famed dead cat bounce he could still be a good-great player. And he’s a TON of fun to watch. And I think Ackley is a superstar in the making. But ya Felix, Ackley, Jesus and maybe Ichiro. ouch.

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